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Band 2

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #healthcare #first #priority #priorities #taxer’s #money
More and more humans believe that healthcare programs should be at first priority,
while
 others argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should spend
citizens
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citizens'
citizen's
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 tax money
to
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on
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 different categories. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I support the view that medicine is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 crucial part
for
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of
show examples
 society.
Firstly
, health problems affect
to
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apply
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other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
show examples
 of
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 life. In means that, without good medical support more people will die. Country administration uses a huge amount of money from
budget
Add an article
the budget
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 to improve medical equipment and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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average
Correct article usage
the average
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 salaries for medical staff.
For example
, Azerbaijan's Ministry of
medical care
Correct your spelling
Medical Care
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spend
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spends
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more than 10
millions
Change to singular
million
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to
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on
show examples
 new technology which helps doctors
to
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apply
show examples
threat
Correct your spelling
treat
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 with
onkology
Correct your spelling
oncology
ontology
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, excellent healthcare provides
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher level of well-being and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
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of
Change preposition
in
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 life.
On the other hand
, some citizens think that
Moreover
 In conclusion, 1 op - general well-being,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
health is basic and essential 2 op - use taxers money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 education,
Submitted by olqa.zvereva01 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the key aspects of the task, but it is incomplete. Ensure to present both views clearly and provide a more detailed opinion. Finish your conclusion to summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Each point should be presented clearly and separated into paragraphs. Currently, the essay reads as a stream of ideas rather than distinct arguments.
task achievement
Expand on the second viewpoint and provide relevant examples to support your arguments. This will help in demonstrating a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, but it lacks a well-rounded conclusion. Always include a concluding paragraph that summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
task achievement
Your example of Azerbaijan's spending on medical technology is specific and relevant. Specific examples greatly enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction that sets out both views, showing a good understanding of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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