IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the government Should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reason for your answer and include examples from your own experienc

#people #government #care #support #individuals #years #fund #retirement #reason #experienc
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of
cars
Use synonyms
 is increasing every year. At the same time, air pollution from their usage is
also
Linking Words
 increasing. Not only humans
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 plants and animals suffer from the effects of car exhausts. There are several suggestions on how to reduce harmful emissions into the
atomosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
. I will outline some of them below. There is a day when people do not use their
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 practice is many years old and is
practisized
Correct your spelling
practised
 in many countries around the world. It's hard to say what percentage of
cars
Use synonyms
 are not used on
this
Linking Words
 day. Frankly, I don't think
this
Linking Words
 measure is very effective in preventing the consequences of car use. Plus there are many other, in my opinion, more effective ways to reduce environmental damage. One of them, switching to safer electric motors
instead
Linking Words
 of gasoline motors. Technology is getting cheaper and more and more people are buying electric
cars
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, another way to cope with carbon dioxide emissions could be for people to abandon their
cars
Use synonyms
 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of greener modes of transportation. In today's society, there are a growing number of eco-activists who are choosing to ride a bicycle
instead
Linking Words
 of a car. We should not forget about public transportation. It seems that making public buses and trams more comfortable and convenient could minimize the number of drivers in society To summarize all of the above, it's worth noting that giving up your vehicle for a day is not the most effective way to help nature.
Instead
Linking Words
, there are many other more effective methods of improving the environmental situation that can be considered
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear position on the topic and presents arguments to support it. However, you could strengthen your task achievement by incorporating more relevant examples and details to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific countries or cities that have successfully implemented car-free days or the impact of electric cars in reducing emissions could add more depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and there is a logical progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. To further improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases to make the connections between ideas even clearer. For example, phrases like 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand,' could be used to link your points more effectively.
task achievement
You presented multiple solutions to the problem of air pollution caused by cars, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments well.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: