Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?
Over the past few decades, there has been a sharp growth in competition between individuals for admission to universities.
This
essay vehemently argues that this
is a detrimental trend due to
the harmful ramifications and its threat to a healthy lifestyle.
To commence with, a fundamental demerit would be the dangerous repercussions. An adolescent who attempts to be offered a place at university, would constantly compare his self to his peers and try to be better than them no matter how. This
could further
encourage youngsters to take drugs such
as pills to increase their level of concentration which has a significantly dangerous side effect. For instance
, a survey conducted in my country outlines the proportion of youths utilizing concentration medications has remarkably swelled during the past decade.
Moreover
, struggling to receive an offer from a university is undoubtedly threatening to a healthy lifestyle. This
not only increases the chance of individuals committing a crime such
as cheating on exams but also
dramatically escalates the level of anxiety and stress among students. A case to the point would be one of my pupils who was dealing with a high anxiety level and bribed someone to buy the university entrance interview questions.
To conclude
, according to
what has already been discussed above, everything can be recapitulated into the fact that, in today’s competitive world, the growth of competition between souls for receiving a seat at universities is inevitable which has enormous drawbacks such
as self-comparison, drug usage and plummeting the standards of a healthy lifestyle, nonetheless
, this
sounds completely a negative scenario to me.Submitted by maryam.niknamm on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea which is developed, rather than multiple ideas that are less clearly connected to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help connect ideas more clearly and seamlessly throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they should more explicitly state the main argument and summarise the key points made within the body respectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task and develop each point with clear explanations and relevant examples. Avoid general statements without clear relevance to the argument.
task achievement
Provide specific, concrete examples to support each point made, rather than hypothetical or anecdotal evidence, to strengthen the argument.