Some people believe that the experience children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Several
people
think the children
's experience before they go to school will lead Change preposition
to the
the
powerful effect in the future. Meanwhile, the rest of Correct article usage
a
people
believe that the teenagers
phase Replace the word
teenage
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
bigger
influence. In my opinion, both Add an article
a bigger
of
Change preposition
apply
age
distribution
have Fix the agreement mistake
distributions
their
positive impact Change the word
a
for
young education, Change preposition
on
however
, the primary have
the most impact.
On the one hand, Change the verb form
has
people
have different kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
such
as cognitive and emotion
. Elderly Replace the word
emotional
people
have numerous advantage
in emotional Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
intelligent
. It is the primary reason why Replace the word
intelligence
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
easy to
manage their feeling rather than Replace the word
easily
children
.They have many experiences which can learn from their mistake to become better
person. They will learn how to handle the problem, Add an article
a better
moreover
, it can rise
their critical thinking skill. Correct your spelling
raise
For example
, a girl who has a problem with her friend try
to Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
analysis
first. Replace the word
analyse
Subsequently
, it makes
she has Verb problem
gives
an
ability about good socialize with Correct article usage
the
people
.
On the other hand
, children
age
have a great cognitive system since they have a strong memory. The avarage
of Correct your spelling
average
children
age
group from 0 until
6 years and Change preposition
to
also
known Add a missing verb
is also
with
Change preposition
as
golden
Add an article
the golden
age
. Research from
Change preposition
to
Add an article
the compass
a compass
compass
, the biggest newspaper in Indonesia, Capitalize word
Compass
in
Change preposition
at
this
age
children
will easily to
memorize Fix the infinitive
apply
about
everything, particularly language. Change preposition
apply
For example
, Nowadays, the majority of young children
especially muslim
have a habit Change the capitalization
Muslim
to memorize
the Al-Quran which is one of Change preposition
of memorizing
islam
holy Change the capitalization
Islam
book
. In Fix the agreement mistake
books
compare
, Replace the word
comparison
people
who just
over 6 years they tend to Add a missing verb
are just
have
lack focus, Unnecessary verb
apply
therefore
they need a
long hours to remember a paragraph.
In my opinion, Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
children
experiences Change noun form
children's
lead
the most powerful effect Verb problem
have
in
their future.
In conclusion, Change preposition
on
children
and teenager have their own type of intelligent
that can lead their experiences to the greatest effect in the future. The Replace the word
intelligence
children
usually have a good memorize
and Replace the word
memory
teenager
can handle their Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
emotion
perfectly.Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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introduction present
Your introduction could be clearer by directly stating both viewpoints before giving your opinion. This will help set the stage for your discussion.
logical structure
Work on your transitions between sentences and ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. This will help with coherence and make your argumentation clearer.
linguistic accuracy
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can be improved for better clarity. Consider revising sentences for more natural expression and correct grammar.
complete response
Your essay covers both viewpoints adequately and provides relevant examples to support each side. Well done!
clear conclusion
You have a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes your points and states your opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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