IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe it is best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory jobs or shortage of money.others arige that it is better to try to improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #situation #jobs #shortage #money #arige #situations
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The perennial debate between accepting
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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circumstances
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 and actively seeking to improve them reflects contrasting perspectives on
resilience
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 and personal agency.
While
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 some advocate for stoically enduring adversity, others argue for proactive measures to enhance
one
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's situation. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both viewpoints and offer my opinion on
this
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 matter. On
one
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 hand, proponents of
acceptance
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 argue that there are situations in life that are beyond our control, and attempting to
change
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 them may only lead to frustration and disappointment. Accepting a less-than-ideal job or financial constraints can foster a sense of contentment and gratitude for what
one
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 has, rather than constantly striving for more.
Moreover
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, accepting adversity can cultivate
resilience
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 and inner strength, as
individuals
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 learn to adapt and find fulfillment despite challenging
circumstances
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.
On the other hand
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, advocates for
improvement
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 contend that complacency in the face of adversity stifles personal growth and perpetuates inequality and injustice. Striving for
improvement
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 enables
individuals
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 to challenge the status quo, break free from cycles of poverty or dissatisfaction, and pursue opportunities for
self-fulfillment
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self-fulfilment
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 and success.
Moreover
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, by actively seeking to improve their situations,
individuals
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 can contribute to positive societal
change
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 and create a better future for themselves and others. In my opinion,
while
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acceptance
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 has its merits in fostering
resilience
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 and inner peace, it should not preclude efforts to improve
one
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's
circumstances
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.
While
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 there are situations beyond our control, there are
also
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 many aspects of our lives that we have the power to
change
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 through determination, perseverance, and resourcefulness. By adopting a mindset of
acceptance
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while
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 simultaneously striving for
improvement
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,
individuals
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 can strike a balance between contentment and ambition, finding
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 in both the present moment and future aspirations. In conclusion, the debate between accepting adverse
circumstances
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 and seeking
improvement
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 reflects fundamental questions about human nature and agency.
While
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acceptance
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 can promote
resilience
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 and inner peace, striving for
improvement
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 empowers
individuals
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 to challenge the status quo and create positive
change
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 in their lives and society. Ultimately, embracing both
acceptance
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 and
improvement
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 can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling approach to navigating life's challenges.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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task achievement
Strive to include more specific examples to substantiate your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded in reality.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay, ensuring that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. This cohesive narrative greatly aids understanding and engagement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and effectively bookended your discussion, showcasing a strong understanding of how to structure an essay.
task achievement
You provided a well-rounded discussion by exploring both sides of the argument and clearly stating your own opinion, which is essential for a balanced essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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