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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
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It is true that many celebrities are known for their glamorous lifestyles rather than for the
work
Use synonyms
 they do.
Although
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 I accept the idea that they have a bad influence on children, I believe that other people act as positive role models. On the one hand, some individuals achieve fame without working for it. They may have inherited parents, married a famous or wealthy person, or they may have appeared in gossip magazines or on a reality TV programme. One example would be Paris Hilton, who is rich and famous for the wrong reasons. She spends her time attending parties and nightclubs,
thus
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 her behaviour promotes the idea that appearance, glamorous, and media profile are more important than hard
work
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 and good character. The message for young people is success can be achieved easily, and school
work
Use synonyms
 is not necessary.
However
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, there are at least many celebrities whose accomplishments make them excellent role models. Actors, musicians, and sports stars become famous idols because they have worked hard and developed real skills and abilities. They demonstrate the great effort, determination, and ambition
that is
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 required for someone who wants to be successful in their chosen fields.
For example
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, an actor and martial artist Jackie Chan has become world-famous through years of practice and hard
work
Use synonyms
.
This
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 kind of self-made celebrity can inspire children to develop their talents through application and perseverance. In conclusion, fancy and glamorous lifestyles are associated with famous people who are less known for their achievements. I agree with the idea that the young generation would get negative exposure from celebrities.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that many others demonstrate good examples.
Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider providing more varied sentence structures. While your essay flows well, more variety in structure could elevate your overall writing.
Task Achievement
Expand on specific examples slightly more. While the examples provided are relevant, delving a bit deeper into each one would enhance your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-rounded introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the response.
Task Achievement
The main points are well supported, providing both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Excellent coherence and a smooth flow of ideas from one paragraph to another, enhancing readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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