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Band 5

It is too expensive to look after and repair old building .Tho money should spend on building new modern buildings instead .To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#repair #tho #money #buildings
In
this
 day and
age
Add a comma
age,
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 there is a considerable problem connected with the great number of graduates who have difficulty finding a decent job. Fortunately, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a number of solutions to the problem and I feel like discussing them. Much as some pieces of career
advice
 strike plenty of people as a viable option, I do not think it is the case. The thing is that the vast majority of teachers have never worked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any other positions and their working experience may well be pretty limited.
Hence
, students can not get
a helpful
Remove the article
helpful advice
a piece of helpful advice
a bit of helpful advice
show examples
advice
 from them. What is more, getting some
advice
 from others can even mislead some of the students as everyone should arrive at the
decesions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 themselves.
On the other hand
, it may well turn out a sound idea for governments to provide some working experience programmes, where students could understand what field of work they are willing to go for. In
this
 case, the vast majority of undergraduates would see the pros and cons of working
on
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in
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 a particular position which is bound to remedy the situation.
To conclude
, I guess the issue of finding a covetable job is essential in
this
 day and age since it might positively or negatively affect all of our spheres of life including salary. To my mind, giving some
advice
 is a dismal failure
while
 introducing some experience programmes seems a sound idea as I am positive as are many others that
working
Change the form of the verb
work
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 in the
fiend
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
 you enjoy thoroughly is bound to make you happier.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific career advice that may not be helpful or particular government programs that could assist graduates.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to clearly define your main ideas in each paragraph and logically connect them; for example, use transitional phrases between paragraphs to strengthen coherence.
general
Double-check for occasional language inaccuracies and grammatical errors. Proofreading can significantly improve the readability and overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the problem and suggests potential solutions, showing an overall comprehensive grasp of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline the problem and the proposed solutions.
coherence cohesion
The arguments presented are generally clear and logically related to the topic, contributing to coherent development of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical significance
  • cultural heritage
  • renovation
  • restoration
  • architectural value
  • environmentally friendly
  • community identity
  • cost efficiency
  • sustainable development
  • unique character
  • sense of place
  • long-term maintenance
  • modern construction
  • initial costs
  • economic benefits
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