IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways

The society’s
Correct article usage
Society’s
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 view on
the
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apply
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mentality is generally separated,
ones
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one
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 sure it depends on your luck,
when
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and
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 others consider it applies to different
criterias
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criteria
. Mostly I am giving up to the second type of people
,
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apply
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 because no condition could truly point out any knowledge skills.
However
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, we often tend to be influenced by some of the people’s fortunate
life
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lives
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. Daily we see many successful persons in any
ways
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way
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: on social media, at work, on
street
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the street
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 or even in the next house. They have
strong
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a strong
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 impact on our perception towards them, as we unconsciously envy them and automatically expect them to be clever enough. It is accepted a long time ago that appearance
construct
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constructs
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 our first impression of the person and it plays an important role. Assuming we saw somewhere a man who really has an expensive possessive and the highest post at his job,
firstly
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, our thoughts are how intelligent he is. More often
this
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 kind of reasoning is wrong and primitive,
in
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addition
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addition,
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 expensive stuff is not an indicator of
human’s
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human
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 education.
On the other hand
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exist
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exists
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 the number of people who gauge really essential features which in my view present the main characteristic.
Usually
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Usually,
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 these are simple and obvious aptitudes which are not observed by inattentive people.
For instance
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, on the top of the list is man’s speech and
behavior
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behaviour
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,
in other
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words
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words,
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 we can verify how well-read the person is. In
fact
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fact,
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 educated one will not have words parasites or long pauses during his conversation.
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Secondly
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Secondly,
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 we notice
diversity
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the diversity
a diversity
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 of the topics as he is able to support
thus
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 it emphasize the experience from different spheres. Summing up the greatest basic understanding of
the
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apply
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intelligence relies on some personal abilities which
pops
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pop
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 up within our regular routine. Eventually
the
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apply
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success is only a huge picture, but our actions are direct reflections of our abilities.

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general
Work on improving sentence structure and clarity to avoid confusion.
general
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
Add more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is directly supporting the thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay touches on both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present in the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • measure
  • intelligence
  • success
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • emotional intelligence
  • creativity
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • capabilities
  • potential
  • privilege
  • correlate
  • hard work
What to do next:
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