IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people find it difficult to manage their money . How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

#people #money #government #debt #support
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Nowadays,
money
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 management is important; yet most of them cannot control their
money
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 income and outcomes.
Therefore
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, they tend to borrow
money
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 and lead to
debt
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 problems . Since these issues have become a trend; in my view, governments need to solve them for some reasons that are set out below.
Firstly
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, governments need to fix the human intelligence itself;
hence
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 the root of
this
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 problem is their lack of ability to manage the financial cycle. They can open communal sharing regarding the technique to manage it.
Therefore
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, some of them will realize their mistakes, and they will change their habits in the future. Yet, there is still a chance that some of them will be bound by the
debt
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 issues,
however
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, if the solution is well implemented
then
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 it will help the citizens to get out of
this
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 matter.
In addition
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, the government can decrease the tax paid by small-income workers and companies to boost the financial cycle for both governments and folks. After all,
this
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 approach will reduce their prolonged debts;
hence
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, when they have already paid their debts, they can request another loan if needed. But,
this
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 will lead to people who are in mid and high-income families making fake reports to get the same benefits.
Finally
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, they can put more strict regulations to handle debts.
For instance
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, they can reduce the limit of the
money
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 that can be borrowed.
Therefore
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,
this
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 approach will put down the problems to some point;
consequently
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, they cannot create a huge
debt
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 anymore. On the other side,
this
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 act will make them lose interest in borrowing
money
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 and reduce the income of the government in receiving interest. In conclusion, the government can put more strict regulations, decrease the term fee for some people from low to mid-income, and advertise management knowledge to extinguish the
debt
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 problems with ease to fix
this
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 condition.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Ensure that examples are both specific and highly relevant to the main points being discussed. Currently, the examples provided are somewhat generalized and do not fully illustrate the key points.
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Work on developing a more logical structure. The essay jumps from one point to another without clear connections. Consider using more linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow.
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The introduction clearly outlines the main topic and sets the stage for further discussion.
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The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and offers a cohesive ending to the essay.
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There are some good ideas presented, such as communal sharing of financial techniques and reducing taxes for lower-income individuals.
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The essay attempts to address the problem and offer solutions from multiple angles, showing a good effort to respond fully to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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