Many people join distance-learning programmes and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Although
some people insist that joining learning programs online and studying at
home
cannot bring the same
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
as directly attending colleges or universities
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
, I totally disagree with
this
idea. The reason for
this
is that joining educational courses online is, in fact, more beneficial for many people in saving
time
and online courses enable us to manage our schedules more efficiently.
First,
taking part in distance-learning programs and studying at
home
costs us less
time
, when we consider having a long journey to the halls and classrooms where lectures are taking happen; we can save a lot of
time
by skipping the process of heading toward the places. A good example of
this
is; amid COVID-19, all the conferences and lectures have been cancelled to stop the infection and,
instead
, they were switched to online meetings and lectures, which enabled lots of workers and officers, who
otherwise
would have had
time
-consuming journey to the avenue, to join these activities at
home
or at their workplace on
time
.
Furthermore
, online courses are more flexible because we do not have to consider the place.
That is
to say, we can focus on arranging the
time
schedules
according to
only each other's schedule because we do not have to compete with other companies for the
reservation
Correct your spelling
preservation
show examples
of the place.
For instance
, if we are to arrange a physical study program at a hospital, we have to make sure of each other's schedule
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and book a conference room, and we often find ourselves not being able to decide the schedule in the way we wish because the conference room has been already occupied until several weeks ahead.
This
is not the case in online studying; everyone can join on smartphones, laptops or desktops anywhere in a good Internet environment. In conclusion,
while
some individuals argue that joining distance-learning programmes and studying at
home
cannot outweigh the benefit of directly and physically attending colleges and universities, in reality, the former produces many more benefits than the latter because it is
time
-saving and its flexibility of schedules makes it much easier for many people to work.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your argument well. However, to strengthen your task achievement score, ensure that the introduction outlines the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and logically structured. The paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next, and each main point is supported by relevant examples. To further improve the clarity and coherence, consider using more varied transition phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some of your examples are slightly long; try to make them more concise while retaining the essential details. This will help maintain the reader’s attention and make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and explained in depth. Sometimes the explanations can be expanded to give a more comprehensive understanding of your point.
task achievement
You provide clear and relevant examples to support your main points, such as the shift to online meetings during COVID-19.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with clear progression from introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces your main argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: