IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A growing population is a big problem in many countries. Should the government provide new homes in the cities or countryside?

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Nowadays, one of the widespread problems for many countries, especially big
cities
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, is the growing population and the lack of enough
homes
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. The main question is
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 the
cities
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 or the
countryside
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 are the best place for providing new
homes
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 by the government. To tell the truth, both places have advantages and disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and explain my opinion. Constructing new
homes
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 in the hurt of
cities
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 can reduce the cost for the government.
Cities
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 usually have enough accommodations and amenities in advance, and the government only should spend money on constructing new
homes
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. In Iran,
for instance
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, governmental officials report that building new
homes
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 in big
cities
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 like Tehran costs half that of construction in the
countryside
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.
However
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, some believe that developing
cities
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 by building new
homes
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 can cause significant problems, like traffic jams, in the near future and
cities
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 usually do not have enough capacity for the new population.
On the other hand
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, building new
homes
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 in the
countryside
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 can address
this
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 problem easier and faster. There are many empty lands in the
countryside
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 for construction, one thing
that is
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 not found easily in
cities
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. So governments can provide new
homes
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 faster in there.
However
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, compared to
cities
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, construction in the
countryside
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 is expensive. It is because of that governments should provide necessary infrastructures and accommodations like transportation systems. In conclusion, I think that decision-making about
this
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 problem completely depends on what we want to decide. In some cases like Paris because of the lack of empty lands, notwithstanding the disadvantages of building new
homes
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 in the
countryside
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, it is the only option that governments have. So it should be investigated in each case separately.

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task response
The introduction could be clearer by restating the main question more explicitly. Consider rephrasing it for clarity.
task response
In the second body paragraph, clarify how the infrastructure costs may affect the overall feasibility of building in the countryside.
task response
Try to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences for better flow and structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the logical flow between your ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of building in cities and the countryside.
task response
Effective use of an example (Tehran) to illustrate a point about costs in urban home construction.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion ties back to the argument effectively, suggesting that each case should be considered separately.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • urban sprawl
  • amenities
  • employment opportunities
  • public transportation
  • rural landscape
  • cost of living
  • recreational space
  • community development
  • subsidies
  • tax breaks
  • sustainability
  • economic impact
  • public services
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