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Band 5

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to University education and that government should make it free-for-all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #right #access #university #education #government #free-for-all #students #matter #background
It is believed by some
people
 that providing free
education
 to citizens
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 them to get into the university whether they are from strong financial backgrounds or under poverty. I believe that university
education
 should be free of cost
due to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 poverty
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 in countries.
To begin
 with, free graduation courses will not only assist those students who come from penury backgrounds but
also
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 do not have universities near their areas and feel hesitant to travel far from home
due to
 higher college fees and living expenses.
For example
, many students who wish to complete
further
 studies after secondary
education
 in order to get higher jobs
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have to quit
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of universities near their area. Despite being intelligent, they are not able to study
due to
 higher fees in the universities,
therefore
, the government should take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 initiative to provide free university
education
 to all new
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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, they will,
as a result
, assist
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 a country in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
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 years.
Secondly
, educating
people
 by providing free courses will help to increase
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 progress of a nation.
For instance
, some studies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 shown that many nations implemented free
education
 after secondary school in 2019, and all nation's citizens have taken
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 higher
education
 in order to achieve
higher wage
Add a hyphen
higher-wage
show examples
 jobs.
As a result
, economic progress has been seen in these years in those countries and 90% of
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 are educated with higher degrees and earning higher wages
along with
 participating in increasing economic growth of their countries.
This
 proves that if government provide free
education
 to all its
people
then
 nobody can stop its development in every field. In conclusion,
although
 implementing free
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 for youngsters is a big decision for the government, the benefits which I mentioned in the above paragraphs will increase economic growth exponentially
due to
 educated
people
 of the country.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas. For instance, explain more explicitly how providing free education leads to economic progress and give more concrete data or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. The connection between lack of nearby universities and the necessity for free tuition could be clarified better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your position, which is crucial for a coherent and cohesive essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • access to higher education
  • social equity
  • economic development
  • workforce
  • financial constraints
  • narrow the gap
  • taxpayers
  • financial resources
  • burden
  • limited budget
  • quality of education
  • larger class sizes
  • overburdened facilities
  • decline in quality
  • responsibility
  • dedicated to their studies
  • sense of accountability
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • diversify educational pathways
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