Some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. Agree or disagree?

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It is a highly debatable issue whether
people
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choose
life
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without
work
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, or whether they enjoy their
life
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with
work
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. In my view, I totally agree that
life
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without working is useless and has a bad impact on
people
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's lives. ‏Opposing
this
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view, some
people
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argue that Stress and hard
work
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can harm themselves. If the individual is interested in their hobbies, they may be probably more creative. I think that
this
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is not true, because hobbies can't be enough to support
people
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in their
life
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.
For example
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, being a printer or photographer does not bring a lot of money.
Thus
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, working could enhance
people
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's living standards. ‏
Furthermore
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, some claim that leisure
time
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is capable of improving individuals’ psychology Being busy all the
time
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, will definitely make
people
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tired and weak.
However
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, they are completely wrong. When
people
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possess the capacity to
work
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,
this
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will make them relax. Leisure
time
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such
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as using smartphones for a long
time
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or Watching TV leads to many diseases like obesity. So, activity is a kind of sport
that is
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beneficial for health. ‏Contrary to the individual who says that Working is useful for
people
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. Constantly working aids the individual to be independent. To illustrate, they get a salary from the job which will help them to meet their needs.
Therefore
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,
this
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may reduce crime in society.
Moreover
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, I think that when
people
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stay without investing their
time
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, they will remain unknown about
life
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.
People
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while
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Working can gain many experiences like using a computer and calculating.
As a result
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, they used to think and innovate in their lives. ‏In conclusion, Working is inconsequential for Some
People
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. I totally agree that working is helpful and gives us opportunities to explore
life
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's creativity.
Therefore
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,
people
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have to
work
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hard and invest
time
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to prevent applying many problems.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
The essay should focus on providing more specific and varied examples. This can strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the writer’s stance.
task achievement
The main points are supported with relevant arguments and examples, making the essay persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • constraints of employment
  • immerse
  • personal fulfillment
  • enhanced relationships
  • work-related stress
  • professional achievements
  • financial insecurity
  • societal backlash
  • cultural expectations
  • identity and worth
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