Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people. Others think they should care for themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These days many public with old age, which they already don' community with old age.
I would
people
think that the government
should be able to support retired people
with money for their living. In contrast
, some people
also
believe that they should be taken care of individually. Personally, I agree that the government
should benefit retired people
.
The disadvantage of this
development is the outcome of the government
will be much. However
, the government
itself have the capability to have a balanced economy, which they should have financial goods without any debt. If they can't
manage the debt the economy of the country will have a crisis, which means that the government
should look up to itself first. For example
, the country has many debt that they should pay from other countries, but it cannot be paid so the government
should have good savings.
Despite this
, there are significant advantages it can bring to the lives of retired people
. Firstly
, it means that the people
who have pursued the job with a good work ethic should be appreciated more from
the Change preposition
by
Government
with the guarantee of a good life in their old period. For example
, Indonesian civil official states have an old wage allowance until the day they die.
Secondly
, we should see a point of view fromCorrect article usage
the
t
have good physics and have any illnesses or diseases. From that, we can see that they couldn't
search for another job because of their physical appearance. If they don't
have a job so
they don'Correct word choice
apply
t
have any income, it makes them
have a problem paying for their health services in the hospital. Correct pronoun usage
they
For example
, in Indonesia, there are not many companies or jobs that open recruitment forAdd an article
the
a
therefore
argue that although
there are disadvantages of
the financial support from the government
to the retired people
, they are outweighed
by the advantages. It can enrich old people
’s lives that already devoted to their jobs.Submitted by arjoensyahananta168 on
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grammar
Consider enhancing grammatical range and accuracy to strengthen your essay. Although understandable, some grammatical inaccuracies could be refined for clarity.
development
While your ideas are generally clear, it would be beneficial to make connections between them even more explicit, enhancing the flow and coherence of your argument.
task response
You effectively presented both viewpoints on whether the government should financially support retired people and provided a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining and wrapping up your discussion and viewpoint.
supporting points
Several concrete examples, such as the Indonesian civil official states' allowance, were relevantly included, supporting your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.