Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

It is widely believed that technological advancements have unified human civilisation.
However
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, others contest that it has created
further
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division.
Firstly
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, the combination of social media and the internet is thought to be the fastest and most reliable way of creating communities.
As a result
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, diverse global communities are created, in which people who share similar interests are able to communicate and exchange information.
For example
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, Facebook allows its users to access various internet-based communities on its platform.
Additionally
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, dating platforms
such
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as Tinder have statistically increased the number of people in relationships, proving their effectiveness in bringing people together.
On the other hand
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, the use of technology has proven to have negative effects.
Consequently
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, clinical research has proven that social networks and cocaine both target the same receptors in the brain, thereby causing addiction.
In addition
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, children
in particular
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are susceptible to overstimulation and addiction resulting in poor mental development. Many studies have illustrated that children who are frequently exposed to digital devices/media are at high risk of experiencing delayed cognitive development, often leading to disorders
such
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as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). In summary, it is important to acknowledge the positive impact modern technology has provided to humanity. From social networking to its medical application, the function of technology has endless possibilities, which can
further
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enhance human civilisation.
Nonetheless
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, its adverse effects are a growing concern that must be addressed. Many individuals especially young children are at risk of cognitive decline
due to
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overstimulation and addiction.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer by stating your opinion more directly and giving a brief overview of the points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly between paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples in some areas to help illustrate your points better, especially on how technology can divide people.
task achievement
You provide a good discussion of both viewpoints clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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