IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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These days, the argument over whether governments should expend public funds to save
languages
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 which are spoken by only a few
people
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 has not been settled yet. Some
people
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 advocate for
such
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 investment,
while
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 others consider that it is a waste of
money
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. On the one hand,
language
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 is an important part of a community's identity and culture. Losing a
language
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 means losing a unique way of expressing ideas, values, and history. These
languages
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 contain a lot of valuable knowledge, including traditional culture, history and the way of communication.
Moreover
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,
people
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 speak different
languages
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 and think in different ways. To really understand their way of thinking, one needs to comprehend their
languages
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. Each
language
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 is unique.
For instance
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, Chinese is known for its flexibility. Japanese is politeness. French is beauty.
Therefore
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, the government should spend
money
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 protecting these endangered
languages
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that
this
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 is an inefficient of using public
money
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. To be specific, they think that resources should be focused on more important issues
such
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 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure.
For example
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, if the government expend the
money
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 that prepare for
language
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 saving on improving medical facilities, more lives will be saved.
As a result
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,
people
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’s living quality will probably be improved. In conclusion,
while
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 it seems reasonable to spend
money
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 on more meaningful things than saving the
languages
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, the existence of them is
also
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 important. In my opinion, I believe that government should only spend enough
money
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 on the protection of
languages
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, but not too much.

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task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views, and your conclusion expresses a reasonable stance. However, your ideas could be more comprehensive and detailed. Try to expand on each point more thoroughly and provide more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use more linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains clear, well-supported main points. Some of the main points in your essay are not fully developed, and there is a need for better illustration and examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the specific benefits and drawbacks of spending money on the preservation of endangered languages. Consider including examples of successful language preservation efforts or areas where funds are critically needed.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a conclusion that summarizes your stance and the main points of the essay effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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