In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In contemporary times, the ageing
population
has become a common phenomenon. Some people think that this
causes some problems for governments, whereas
others contend that this
phenomenon can provide certain benefits. However
, in this
essay, I consider that having an ageing population
may lend to more drawbacks rather than advantages, especially in numerous disease and labour force issues.
One primary reason is that the elderly may be more likely to suffer some diseases.
For instance
, cancer is a typical disease. It is unsurprising that cancer needs to spend substantial expenses to treat it. To alleviate this
problem, governments will pay more attention to support for patients, such
as providing financial resources, modelling more hospitals, and recruiting numerous medical professionals, thereby ensuring that these patients can be treated more comprehensively.
However
, with consistent assistance, the burden of governments will increase gradually, ultimately resulting in them falling into a vicious cycle. This
is one of the crucial reasons.
Despite the fact that the elderly can indeed provide some benefits in terms of educational experiences, such
as sharing their opinions about technological theories and schooling communication and interpersonal skills for young generations to adapt more later in the future, the health aspect is still a more serious challenge than that of benefit. Furthermore
, the labour force is another difficulty. Because the manpower of the elderly inevitably decreases, young people must pay more attention to their business. At the same time, they also
need to take care of their parents or children. Therefore
, with a more ageing population
, predictably, the stress of the young public will become heavier, particularly in terms of their family and work career.
To sum up
, I firmly contend that the advantages of having an ageing population
cannot outweigh the disadvantages. Although
the idly can indeed shave their experience to help young individuals grow more swiftly, health issues, such
as cancer, and the pressure of manpower are other more serious difficulties.Submitted by daniellin0717 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the topic. However, it would benefit from a more balanced discussion that acknowledges both sides more explicitly before concluding which side outweighs the other.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate more varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow between your ideas. This will contribute to making your arguments more cohesive and the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure that your supporting examples are more precise and varied. For instance, elaborating on specific diseases beyond cancer, or mentioning specific countries, can help strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps to present your main points clearly.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good grasp of the topic and provides relevant points that address the issues at hand.
coherence cohesion
Your language use is clear and comprehensible, which helps to convey your ideas effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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