IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many towns and cities,large shopping malls are replacing small local shops.Do you this is a positive development?Give your reasons and examples.

#towns #cities #malls #shops #development
Local shops are being substituted with enormous shopping
malls
 in many towns and cities in today's society.
Although
 it provides many utilities to the residents,I believe the construction of these
malls
further
 is not a positive progress as it possesses more dominant cons. Nowadays, most of the
malls
 are being located in the city centre in order to attract more public attention.
However
,if people
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
keep destroying these native stores,mankind
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 eventually attain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
malls
 on a smaller scale.As we consider humans are not that wealthy to afford a car,it might be really challenging for them to go back and forth when these domestic stores are demolished.
Moreover
,as soon as the access issue to the
malls
 is overcome,reaching your desired destination in the mall is quite complicated.In Cyprus,natives were complaining about the size of the mall,suggesting some people among us may not have the condition to move upstairs and the toughness of finding places.Based on
this
 suggestion,the manager
succeed
Wrong verb form
succeeded
show examples
to build
Change preposition
in building
show examples
 an elevator
in addition
 to a digital map. In terms of the economy,there are fewer job opportunities.Small business managers and tradesmen would not get the worth they deserve
due to
 less income received just becoming more inclined to
malls
 are prevalent.In spite of having less pricey goods in local stores,there is a common misconception that
impies '
Correct your spelling
implies'
 Quality comes first in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. '.
This
 quote makes the native traders sustain their lives with a lower quality. In conclusion,I tend to think that replacing huge
malls
instead
 of small local shops is a negative development as transportation is hard and poor conditions for domestic tradesmen despite expensive goods in the
malls
.
Submitted by kabzop on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the main points of the topic, it could benefit from more detailed explanations and examples. Try to elaborate further on each point to fully develop your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could be more coherent. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is logically organized. This can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay. This helps in setting the context and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to provide relevant examples, such as the situation in Cyprus. Real-world examples add depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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