IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Commitment
some
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of some
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 professional specialists,
such
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 as doctors and engineers, to
work
Use synonyms
 in the same country where they graduated is a controversial topic.
While
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 some people think that these professional
individuals
Use synonyms
 should be given the opportunity to
work
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 whenever they want, others believe that they must adhere to pay off the support they had taken by working in their
countries
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. Personally, I fully agree with the first point of view, because it is incorrect to restrict
individuals
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' freedom by forcing them to
work
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 at a specific place. On the one hand, those who believe that these
individuals
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 should serve their
countries
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 argue that a significant proportion of government expenditure is directed towards the educational field, on account of other social security aspects. In the Middle East,
for example
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, more than 20% of total government spending is on supporting education authorities.
Additionally
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, the immigration of professional people is a considered trend in some developing
countries
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, as it can negatively impact economic growth. As can be seen nowadays, more and more engineers are leaving Egypt seeking
work
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 in different
countries
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, and even Egypt is in crucial need of these workforces.
However
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, the proponents of the opposite view argue that sometimes there are no sufficient
work
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 opportunities can handle all the unemployed professional
individuals
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, and
that is
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 obvious in several
countries
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 suffering from high unemployment rates.
Additionally
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, even if they find a job, the salary might not cover their personal needs.
On the other hand
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, working abroad gives them the opportunity to engage in new experiences, meet new people, and exchange ideas with others. And that, without a doubt , will boost their mental and emotional growth
in addition
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 to their career and professional development. In conclusion,
this
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 topic will remain controversial for a long period, because each point of view seems to be logical and acceptable. I believe that we should give them the ability to choose where they
work
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, with encourage them to stay in their home
countries
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.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
To achieve better task response, ensure that counterarguments are discussed in more depth and are clearly integrated throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on expanding ideas and providing deeper analysis to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both views of the topic and gives your own opinion, providing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which enhances the overall structure of the essay.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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