IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Developing the economy will always damage the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#economy #damage #environment
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It is often claimed that human activity severely influences the
environment
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due to
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 plants, cars and production. The authorities make a significant choice between
environment
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 and economic growth in order not to fall behind more economically-developed countries. From my point of view, it is almost impossible to develop an economy without negative effects on ecology now.
Hence
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, firms care only about the profit now. In fact, nowadays many countries are concerned with ecology.
Therefore
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, governments unite in international organizations which encourage
companies
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 to follow eco-rules in order to make saving the planet the main priority rather than profit.
Moreover
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, investors value
such
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companies
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 higher on the market.
As a result
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, the economy can develop in an ecologically friendly way.
However
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, huge
companies
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 can allow themselves to
damage
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 the
environment
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 without consequences which stops their growth now.
For instance
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, in 2010 approximately 4.9 million barrels of oil were released into the ocean by BP.
This
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 incident became one of the largest oil spills in history and caused significant ecological
damage
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 to marine fauna and flora.
However
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, despite social anxiety about
this
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 situation, the company did not stop developing. In conclusion, it is important to recognize that despite the existence of numerous 'green' organizations and the attention given by governments to ecological problems, certain
companies
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 will always seek ways to avoid regulations and prioritize profit, even at the expense of environmental
damage
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.
Therefore
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, developing the economy will always
damage
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 the
environment
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. And I guess the
nearest
Correct word choice
near
show examples
 future will not bring large changes in
this
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 issue.
Submitted by ddoiron on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While you provided these, your introduction could be more succinct and introduce the topic with a stronger thesis statement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay in clear logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. Avoid mixing several ideas in one paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking words to guide the reader through your arguments. Although some linking words were used, variation and complexity can be improved to create a more naturally flowing narrative.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly and develop your argument in a structured way. Make sure to cover all parts of the question equally and present a balanced view before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Support your main ideas with specific examples and explanations. Using specific real-life cases, like the BP oil spill, is good. Ensure each example directly supports the main argument of your paragraph.
Task Achievement
Clarify your position throughout the essay and particularly in the conclusion. While the final sentiment is clear, it's important for the reader to understand your perspective from the beginning to the end of your response.
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