IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely discussed that shortening the duration of weekdays benefits employees. I agree with the concept as it can induce corporations to establish an efficient day-to-day and
consequently
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 improve workers' well-being.
First,
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the idea to impose "4 work days and 3 rest days" forces corporations to re-evaluate their existing business process which often includes unnecessary meetings and procedures. Workers are often burdened by other tasks which are irrelevant to their main responsibilities,
hence
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 hindering them from achieving the primary KPIs.
For example
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, more technology companies, like Google and Meta, have been trying to integrate
this
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 idea into their corporate cultures. It definitely becomes beneficial since their engineers can focus on finishing some deliverables that actually matter for firms'
overall
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 productivity.
In addition
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,
such
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 a healthy office culture is
also
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 one of the most important aspects in attracting global top talents to join the workforce.
Second,
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successful implementation can make one focus more on their personal well-being outside
professional
Change preposition
of professional
show examples
 life. On the weekend, they can join various clubs
according to
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 their interests,
such
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 as books and sports clubs, which light up cities' social life. Citizens in the metropolitan now often feel more lonely than ever
due to
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 an endless busy lifestyle.
For instance
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, individuals in Scandinavian countries are now joining more active social gatherings, in the form of clubs and communities, which can address basic human needs to socialize with others.
As a result
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, they are ranked among the top countries with a high Global Happiness Index.
To conclude
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, I support the notion that shorter work weeks bring more good than harm to the employees as firms should adopt more efficient business operation which likely encourages a healthier working environment.
Consequently
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, it can provide more room for workers to focus on their well-being, one of which, is by joining more communities and social settings.

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overall
Your essay addresses the task well, providing clear reasons for your opinion. To improve, ensure that you explore every point in greater detail.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a good summary of your points. You might add a stronger hook in your introduction to engage the reader more effectively.
coherence
You have good structure in your paragraphs, but ensure that each paragraph fully explains the point you are making. More examples would help to support your ideas further.
task achievement
You provided strong examples from companies and countries to support your argument, making it relatable and understandable.
coherence
Your writing flows nicely, with a clear progression of ideas. Your transitions between points are effective, aiding reader understanding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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