IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay it. Others think there are more effective methods. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.

#gym #methods
While
 some
people
 believe that going to the
gym
 is the best way to stay fit, others argue that there are more effective alternatives.
This
 essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
 think that going to the
gym
 is the most effective method because it helps in losing weight, building muscles and enhancing
people
’s outer appearance.
In other words
, it improves blood circulation and heart rate which contributes to building new cells for both the skin and the muscles.
For example
, recent research has proven that
people
 who tend to
exercise
 in the
gym
 more regularly, have better shape and are less affected by the ageing process.
In addition
, they can benefit from personalized trainers who give them special workout timetables and they cannot get these special tips rather than going to the
gym
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 prefer other effective measures.
First,
they consider losing weight by having fewer calories in their diet,
for example
, they stopped having bread and sugary food and drinks.
Moreover
, they prefer doing their
exercise
 at
home
 rather than going out, which is more convenient for them.
For example
, the widespread of videos and YouTube channels for
home
exercise
 resulted in many
people
 using them to
stay in
Verb problem
maintain
show examples
 a good physical appearance. In conclusion, the preference for going to the
gym
 rather than using other methods
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 relies on increasing body fitness and having personalized trainers.
Moreover
, others prefer
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
low-calorie
Correct article usage
a low-calorie
show examples
 diet or
exercise
 at
home
. In my opinion, I believe a combination of
gym
 workouts and
home
 exercises,
along with
 a balanced diet, is the most effective approach to staying fit."
Submitted by hazarbakhit on

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task response
Ensure all parts of the task are fully addressed. This includes a clear and balanced discussion of both views and a personal opinion. The essay somewhat leans more towards explaining the gym side rather than balancing both views equally.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating linking words and phrases smoothly to enhance the flow of arguments. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt.
supported main points
Expand on the examples provided to make them more specific and relevant. This will help to better illustrate your points and provide a stronger argument for both views.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the essay's structure. It prepares the reader effectively for what is to come.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a well-balanced personal opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas, with each view adequately addressed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical well-being
  • prime option
  • structured exercise routines
  • professional equipment
  • fostering an environment
  • motivation and discipline
  • counter-argument
  • outdoor activities
  • home workouts
  • cost-effectiveness
  • social and emotional satisfaction
  • team sports
  • hybrid approach
  • holistic approach
  • comprehensive benefits
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