The number of older people is increasing. Some people think this is causing problems in their countries while others feel that older people play an important role in society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #countries #role #society

In recent times,

people

are getting older than ever before. It is often argued that

this

trend brings about some issues,

while

others believe the role of the elderly is irreplaceable.

Although

this

will inevitably lead to higher healthcare costs, it is my firm belief that the assistance of older

people

significantly

contribute

Change the verb form

contributes

show examples

to our

society

To begin

with, a growing population of

people

aged 65 or older will cause the costs of

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

providers to rise.

This

is simply because

people

this

stage in life are prone to become ill more often. As they grow older, they will need frequent medical supervision or specific treatments, which have proven to be expensive.

Therefore

, it is only natural that

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

providers are forced to adjust their

prizes

Correct your spelling

prices

show examples

, in order to cope with the increasing demand. Despite

this

, a healthy and

consequently

functioning

society

is more important than

health

care

expenditure.

However

, the population of elderly

people

can be an asset to every

society

. If

people

live longer, they will be able to contribute more to communities.

That is

to say, even after retirement they can spend money as a customer, which fosters the economy, or provide supervision for their grandchildren.

For example

, many families in Germany decide to live in a multi-generational house, as the grandparents are able to look after the young children,

while

both parents are offered to continue to work.

Thus

, giving back to

society

is dramatically more important than having to pay more money to maintain one's

health

. In conclusion,

this

essay has shown that a population that consists of a large number of elderly

people

can cause drawbacks,

such

as higher

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

costs.

Nevertheless

, the role of

people

at the age of retirement should be valued

in particular

because they are of great magnitude for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Submitted by philipp_becker on Sat Aug 24 2024

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task achievement

Your response covers both views as required and presents a clear, personal opinion. To further improve, try to include a greater variety of specific examples to provide a more comprehensive argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using more linking phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are well-supported, but expanding on certain points with more detailed evidence would strengthen your argument.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear and concise introduction that sets up the discussion effectively.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the personal opinion, contributing to a strong finish.

task achievement

The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion with a clear personal opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The number of older people is increasing. Some people think this is causing problems in their countries while others feel that older people play an important role in society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Most employers nowadays put increasing emphasis on social skills. Some people believe that social skills are important in adddition to good qualification for job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 1: The plans below show a school library five years ago and the same library now.

In some countries the average weight of people in increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve it?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both view and give your opinion.