In some countries, more and more people are hiring personal fitness trainers, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What is the reason for this Is this a positive or negative development
A particularly interesting scene can be found in most developed cities which is more and more
fitness
centers are opened for people
with substantial economic income. They promote living a healthy lifestyle through the use of gyms. People
are encouraged to purchase personal fitness
trainer service
inside and they claim that Fix the agreement mistake
services
fitness
trainers
can help them to
target specific physical problems they aim to solve more efficiently when Verb problem
apply
comparing
to the result Change the form of the verb
compared
from
playing sports or doing exercise classes.
The reason for Change preposition
of
people
to buy personal fitness
trainers
Fix the agreement mistake
trainer services
service
is similar to that of trying plastic surgery. The purchasers have limited time
because of their busy lifestyles. They normally come to personal trainers
with goals that needs
to be achieved within Change the verb form
need
certain
period of Add an article
a certain
time
such
as weight reduction and wedding
dateCorrect article usage
a wedding
is coming
. Verb problem
apply
Therefore
, they need someone professional to help them with achieving the
goals within a limited Change the word
their
time
.
I have the ferent
belief that it is a positive Correct your spelling
fervent
development
because it provides privacy and intensive training for those in need and helps them to control their body figure without going through high risk
plastic surgery. Add a hyphen
high-risk
Moreover
, there are many sports university graduates nowadays and this
career development
creates job opportunities for the fresh graduates. Last
but not least, its development
suits the urban people
's lifestyle because they mostly work at irregular time
even on weekends. Fix the agreement mistake
times
However
, it eliminated the chance for people
to socialize and the personal trainers
Change to a genitive case
trainer's
trainers'
service
is not governed nor standardized, which means that the service
can vary from one trainer to another. Therefore
, there is no promised result and customers have very limited service
quality guarantee.
To summarize, personal trainers
service
is a positive development
for urban citizens especially those with particular physical concerns. However
, it is advised that customers should look at the brand and comments carefully before purchasing any trainers
services as there is not much governance in Fix the agreement mistake
trainer
this
new area.Submitted by h_within2004 on
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coherence
While your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, consider strengthening the logical flow between paragraphs. For example, use more cohesive devices like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
taskachievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, ensure that each paragraph has a single clear idea, and provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific training programs or common physical goals people have could strengthen your argument.
coherence
Reviewing and refining sentences can improve clarity and readability. Ensure each sentence contributes directly to the paragraph's main idea. For example, the sentence 'The reason for people to buy personal fitness trainers service is similar to that of trying plastic surgery,' could be more specific and clear.
taskachievement
The essay effectively addresses both parts of the task by discussing the reasons for hiring personal fitness trainers and evaluating its positive and negative aspects.
coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument and makes your essay easier to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.