IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is inevitable that as technology develops, cultures must be lost. Technology and traditions are incompatible - you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The 21st century has seen some of the fastest progress in technological development since human history began thousands of years ago.
However
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, it is said that
this
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 rapid pace must mean the loss of cultures for
technology
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 and
traditions
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 do not go hand in hand.
However
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, I wholeheartedly disagree with
this
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 statement as cultures might prosper more than before. For starters, whilst it is true that
technology
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 sometimes is incompatible with
traditions
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, it can
also
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 be used to preserve it.
This
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 can be accomplished by taking 3D scans and uploading
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to a dedicated central server before forming an access gateway, which is often through the Internet. Throughout the world, there has been a push to employ
this
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 technique, notably the digitalisation of the entire Vatican library. Since 2010, the Vatican Apostolic Library has digitised more than 80000 manuscripts dating back to the 13th century. These manuscripts provide a significant insight
on
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into
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 how humans progressed throughout the centuries, from
traditions
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 to beliefs. The entire project was carried out in collaboration with NTT Data Corporation and provides unrestricted access via the website DigiVatLib.
Furthermore
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, the rise of artificial intelligence (AI) can help protect items of cultural significance after digitisation as bad actors can downplay its value. These attacks are not easily recognised,
however
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, AI models can predict and counter
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in an instant.
Additionally
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, the innate sense of cultural identity can protect heritage no matter how strong
technology
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 can be. Cultures often create a unique bonding experience for individuals, forming within them a strong cultural identity. Because of
this
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, no society will take it lightly when its
traditions
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 are lost and will try everything to safeguard it for younger generations.
For example
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, during the period when Vietnam was under Chinese rule, many dynasties attempted to eradicate Vietnamese culture.
However
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,
due to
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 the Viets having a strong national unity and cultural identity, these attempts failed when Vietnam continually rebelled against Chinese oppression. Ultimately, the Vietnamese people were successful in repelling their occupiers, ushering in an age of prosperity. In conclusion, the advancement of
technology
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 does not mean an inevitability of cultural loss. Our cultural identities are too strong to let anything replace our heritage.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe culture and
traditions
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 shall not be lost in
face
Correct article usage
the face
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 of technological advent.

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task achievement
Your essay does a commendable job at addressing the prompt, presenting a clear stance that technology and traditions are not necessarily incompatible. However, you should strive to more explicitly address potential counterarguments. This would help round off your discussion and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally cohesive, consider ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, linking the influence of cultural identity with how technology complements and reinforces this identity could enhance the coherence.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the digitalization of the Vatican Library and the Vietnamese cultural resilience, significantly strengthens your arguments. They add an element of credibility and relevance to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effective and well-crafted. They clearly state your position and reinforce your main points, ensuring a smooth reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is robust, with distinct paragraphs dedicated to supporting each point. This aids readability and ensures that your arguments are clearly communicated.
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