It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Having a top-notch and futuristic plan is vital for everyone
particularly
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, particularly
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in the hectic and fast-paced workplace of the twenty-first century. Many advocate that putting some finances away for the upcoming years is paramount. I wholeheartedly believe
this
argument owing to a spectrum of advantages associated with it. On the one hand, it is only prudent, particularly for the younger generation, to be frugal and save money in order to deal with pecuniary strains from a position of strength. If citizens build up their
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
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accounts, they will have the required financial resources in case of a serious illness
such
as cardiovascular or respiratory disease,
for example
.
Furthermore
, being thrifty not only results in the ability to face pecuniary pressures with tremendous self-esteem but
also
leads to mental well-being and peace of mind.
Hence
, people often witness a rainy day and sometimes experience distress and destitution which can have devastating ramifications if individuals, especially the young, are unprepared.
On the other hand
, saving money and managing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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abruptly incurred expenses can
also
prove to be beneficial for the individual in order to learn financial management techniques. If youngsters avoid squandering their precious pecuniary resources
while
they are young, it can be enormously advantageous for their future life,
for instance
.
Moreover
, since
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
curriculum neglects educating financial literacy and educators tend to underestimate its virtue,
this
self-practice offers an exceptionally significant substitute for the inadequate formal educational programs.
Therefore
,
this
trajectory will assist citizens not only to learn a new skillset but
also
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to makes
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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them capable
to achieve
Change preposition
of achieving
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personal and professional milestones later in life. In conclusion, we have an irreversible obligation to promote the best financial practices to the youth encompassing being frugal,
thrifty
Correct word choice
and thrifty
show examples
and building up their saving accounts premeditatedly. I unequivocally agree with the statement and recommend parents to take an active role and introduce initiatives to alleviate their
juveniles
Change noun form
juvenile's
juveniles'
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wealth management skills
instead
of relying on an outdated school curriculum.
Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on

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task achievement
While the essay is strong overall, consider incorporating more specific examples and case studies to further illustrate your points, especially in the second body paragraph. This would make your arguments even more compelling and supported.
task achievement
Although the ideas are clear and comprehensive, using simplified language in some places can improve the readability. For instance, phrases like 'pecuniary pressures' could be replaced with simpler terms like ‘financial pressures’ for a wider audience.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is excellent but ensure each paragraph naturally transitions into the next for smoother reading. For instance, using transitional phrases can help connect the thoughts between paragraphs more seamlessly.
introduction conclusion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument and outlines your stance clearly. This helps the reader understand what to expect from the essay.
supported main points
Each main point is well-supported and developed, making your arguments strong and convincing. Particularly, the discussion about financial management and self-practice as a substitute for formal education is insightful.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and provides a final standpoint, which contributes to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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