Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Although
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competitions are improving
day
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by
day
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Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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it has a positive side so it is a chance to adapt to
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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atmosphere down the road
hovewer
Correct your spelling
but
this
Linking Words
trend can have a negative impact on
people
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who have never been in
the
Correct article usage
a
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competitive environment. Like
that
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apply
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competitions
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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badly to
students
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students'
student's
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brain
wave
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waves
show examples
. Because of they think in that examination more and more
people
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attend. So
people
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's opinion we can not enter
the
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apply
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university. İt is worst for
moods
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the moods
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of students. Afterwards, that thing increases
people
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's fears every
day
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.
For instance
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: as
that
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apply
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student
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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of own and their interests decrease
day
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by
day
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. They should
changing
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change
be changing
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the
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their
show examples
mindset and they should
lost
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lose
be lost
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fear. They
are have
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have
show examples
cons sides of competition for
people
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and development.
Similarly
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, some teenagers who try to enrol in universities will do badly in university exams, they will lose motivation and
like
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apply
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that's
Unnecessary verb
that
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.
In other words
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,
people
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have goals, which should not be temporary,
thus
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, any
kinds
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kind
show examples
of difficulties may hinder their ability to reach their great position since competition can not positively affect
to
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apply
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society.
Such
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as, in the UK, students who have never been in competitive areas may face
to
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apply
show examples
face some difficulties, which may lead them to lose their targets. In conclusion, including the negative sides that
this
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essay elaborated on,it can
be badly influence
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be badly influenced
be badly influencing
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for
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by
show examples
people
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by avoiding their aims, so I consider it equally vital for the public.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a single main idea that is expanded upon. For example, dedicate one paragraph to explaining the positive aspects of competition and another to describing its negative aspects.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Real-life examples or statistics can help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of competition for university admissions, making an attempt at a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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