In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages
Health issues are becoming less and less nowadays.
People
believe this
situation made them live longer than ever before. Some people
consider overpopulation of elder people
might have a bad impact on governments, while
others think its benefits outweigh that statement. This
essay will explore why having an ageing population draws more advantages than drawbacks for two main reasons.
Firstly
, when talking about decision-making in a society, people
prefer to hear advice from older people
. Through their experience, elders
already witnessed more situations than young people
. Moreover
, for that reason, they can give others a wiser solution based on their condition. People
also
have some respect for their elders
. For example
, if the neighbourhood is at odds with each other they will listen to the elders
to solve the problem.
Secondly
, there will be more facilities in the society because of the limitation of elder people
. Governments should build infrastructures that elderly-friendly. Furthermore
, the number of public places will also
increase due to
a massive growth in infrastructure. This
benefits not only for the elders
but also
for other citizens. For instance
, in the train station, it is hard for elder people
to use a ladder to go upstairs, the
lift will be built by the workers.
In conclusion, having more Correct word choice
so the
elders
in society offers more benefits than disadvantages such
as helping society’s problems and creating more public facilities. Therefore
, there is no reason for people
to live longer, the most important thing that people
need is collaboration from both parties young and old citizens.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task response
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, addressing both the benefits and potential drawbacks of an ageing population. However, to improve, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses respect for elders and their wisdom, so all sentences in that paragraph should support this idea. Similarly, the second body paragraph should solely focus on infrastructure improvements.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is generally good, but some sentences could be reordered or split to enhance clarity. Try to use linking words and phrases more effectively to show the relationship between your ideas, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'However,' to improve the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
supported point
Your examples are relevant and help illustrate your points effectively, such as the example of decision-making in communities and the construction of elder-friendly infrastructure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?