Despite a large of number of gym, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining populer in the contemporary world, what problems are associated with this? What the solution can you suggest?

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There is
widely
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a widely

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help
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held

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perception in
many
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any

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part
Change to a plural noun
parts

The singular countable noun part follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of the world today that comparing a large
of
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apply

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gym with
sedentary
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a sedentary

The noun phrase sedentary lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lifestyle
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. In
this
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following essay. I am to identify the
sorces
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sources
source

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of
this
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problem
as well as
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some valuable
solution
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solutions

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to it From my
persfet
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perspective

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, one of the most significant obstacles to
people
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with
sedentary
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a sedentary

The noun phrase sedentary lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lifestyle
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is abysmal working
condition
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conditions

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, where many
people
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working for
Wrong verb form
work

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over time
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overtime

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and
full
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are full

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off
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of

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anxiety.
Besides
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, it
dreans
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drains

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their stamina, and
as a consequence
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, those
people
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needs
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need

The verb needs does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to take rest for sufficient time.
Additionally
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,
depedency
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dependency

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on technology has
deterioted
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deteriorated

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the condition,
due to
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technology
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technological

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advancement, many
people
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spend their
aviable
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available

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time
for
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apply

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browsing
internet
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the internet

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, watching TV, and checking their
account
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accounts

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on social media,
this
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habit has
negative
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a negative

The noun phrase negative impact seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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impact
for
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on

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their health. To
addres
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address

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this
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problem, those
people
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should to aware
about
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of

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their health. To remain fit, those
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have to stop leading
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary

The noun phrase sedentary lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lifestyle
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and start
to
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apply

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moving. To get relax and unwind after a long day, those
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

needs
Change the verb form
need

The verb needs does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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trying
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to try

Trying doesn’t seem to work here.

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out with outdoor activities.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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going to the gym or jogging, these
sport
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sports

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helpful
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help

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to stay fit and active. Another solution is
going
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doing

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indoor activities, those
people
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can stop
open
Verb problem
apply

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the
intertanf
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internet

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change by books, when
se
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they

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know our brain needs to consume good nutrition, and reading books is really
benefical
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beneficial

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to increasing insight. In
conlusion
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conclusion

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,
stop
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stopping

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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary

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lifestyle
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is extremely crucial, and going to the gym is
excellent
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an excellent

The noun phrase excellent solution seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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solution.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government should to
aviable
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available

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outdoor facilities
and
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so

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those
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can start to do some
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts

It seems that workout may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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grammar
Work on structuring sentences correctly to enhance clarity. Grammar, word choice, and syntax are areas where improvement is needed.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that logical transitions are used between paragraphs. This will help in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
evidence support
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will help in achieving a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses the core issue of sedentary lifestyles and suggests solutions to mitigate this problem.
summarization
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reinforces the solutions presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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