IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Despite a large of number of gym, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining populer in the contemporary world, what problems are associated with this? What the solution can you suggest?

There is
widely
Correct article usage
a widely
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help
Correct your spelling
held
show examples
 perception in
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of the world today that comparing a large
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gym with
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 following essay. I am to identify the
sorces
Correct your spelling
sources
source
 of
this
Linking Words
 problem
as well as
Linking Words
 some valuable
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to it From my
persfet
Correct your spelling
perspective
, one of the most significant obstacles to
people
Use synonyms
 with
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is abysmal working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, where many
people
Use synonyms
working for
Wrong verb form
work
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over time
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
 and
full
Add a missing verb
are full
show examples
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 anxiety.
Besides
Linking Words
, it
dreans
Correct your spelling
drains
 their stamina, and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to take rest for sufficient time.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
depedency
Correct your spelling
dependency
 on technology has
deterioted
Correct your spelling
deteriorated
 the condition,
due to
Linking Words
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advancement, many
people
Use synonyms
 spend their
aviable
Correct your spelling
available
 time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
browsing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, watching TV, and checking their
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 on social media,
this
Linking Words
 habit has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health. To
addres
Correct your spelling
address
this
Linking Words
 problem, those
people
Use synonyms
 should to aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their health. To remain fit, those
people
Use synonyms
 have to stop leading
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and start
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
moving. To get relax and unwind after a long day, those
people
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
trying
Change the verb form
to try
show examples
 out with outdoor activities.
For instance
Linking Words
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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going to the gym or jogging, these
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 to stay fit and active. Another solution is
going
Correct your spelling
doing
show examples
 indoor activities, those
people
Use synonyms
 can stop
open
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
intertanf
Correct your spelling
internet
 change by books, when
se
Correct your spelling
they
 know our brain needs to consume good nutrition, and reading books is really
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to increasing insight. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is extremely crucial, and going to the gym is
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
 solution.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should to
aviable
Correct your spelling
available
 outdoor facilities
and
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 can start to do some
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
.

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grammar
Work on structuring sentences correctly to enhance clarity. Grammar, word choice, and syntax are areas where improvement is needed.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that logical transitions are used between paragraphs. This will help in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
evidence support
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will help in achieving a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses the core issue of sedentary lifestyles and suggests solutions to mitigate this problem.
summarization
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reinforces the solutions presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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