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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today.

#plans #show #harbour
The map presents the developments which took place in the harbour between 2000 and how it looks today.
Although
 the illustration reveals almost the same pictures, it still visible some alterations. In 2000
this
 harbour had fewer places
as well as
 docks and other items,
however
 during the next 24 years the
porth
Correct your spelling
port
 facilities a number of
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
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 changes. The most noticeable
Add a missing verb
is that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 revealing of
new
Add an article
the new
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 dock. There are other considerable
difference
Change the wording
differences
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as well as
 appearing of the second recent place like showers and toilets which are close to the Car park.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 there
show up
Verb problem
are
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 cafes and shops right near the lifeboat, rearrangements of Fishing boats with
Marina
Correct article usage
a Marina
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( private yachts).
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 it is crystal see that Castle changed his name to
hotel
Correct article usage
a hotel
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 and
build
Wrong verb form
built
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 new road for
this
.
Allover
Correct your spelling
All over
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, we could see these cool improvements which
was
Change the verb form
were
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 built by nowadays.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
In your introduction, briefly summarize the main changes that occurred in the harbour to give a clear overview of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. There are several sentences that are either fragmented or unclear, which affects the overall clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that the main points are fully supported and elaborated with specific details. This can help create a clearer and more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the organization of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and smoothly transition to the next. Use linking words and phrases effectively to improve the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of your vocabulary and word choice. Some terms, such as 'crystal see,' could be clearer if expressed differently. Using precise and appropriate vocabulary can significantly enhance your essay's readability.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at describing the changes in the harbour over time.
task achievement
You've identified multiple alterations that have occurred in the harbour, which shows good observational skills.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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