IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people argue that the extensive advertising directed at
children
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 today has harmful effects and should be prohibited. I would argue that I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint, as
such
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 advertising can lead to various negative outcomes for
children
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. There are several reasons to support the idea that advertising aimed at
children
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 can be detrimental.
Firstly
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,
children
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 are impressionable and lack the critical thinking skills needed to assess the true intent of advertisements.
This
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 means that they are more likely to be influenced by the persuasive techniques used in commercials, which often promote unhealthy products like sugary snacks or fast food.
For instance
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, studies have shown that
children
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 who are exposed to a high volume of junk food advertising are more likely to develop poor eating habits, leading to issues
such
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 as obesity and other health problems. Despite the arguments mentioned above, some might claim that advertising can be educational or help
children
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 develop consumer skills.
However
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, I believe that the risks far outweigh the potential benefits.
In other words
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, the primary goal of advertising is to drive sales, not to educate.
Such
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 exposure could lead to materialistic values and pressure on parents to purchase unnecessary items, which could harm a child’s psychological and emotional development. In conclusion,
while
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 some may argue that advertising aimed at
children
Use synonyms
 has certain benefits, the negative impacts on their health and well-being are far more significant.
Therefore
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, I believe that
this
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 type of advertising should be banned to protect
children
Use synonyms
 from its harmful effects.

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relevant specific examples
Consider expanding on the examples provided. For instance, you could cite specific studies or statistics about the impact of advertising on children to make your argument more compelling.
logical structure
While the essay is well-organized, taking a moment to explicitly state the opposing viewpoint before refuting it could strengthen your argument.
complete response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the potential negative effects of advertising on children and the possible counterarguments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-articulated, effectively framing the discussion and presenting a cohesive argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Targeted advertising
  • Psychological development
  • Artificial needs
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Parental responsibility
  • Critical thinking
  • Informative content
  • Economic implications
  • Revenue generation
  • Content creation
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