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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some parents believe that it is best to oblige their
children
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 to compete in different aspects of their life
such
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 as education and social life,
while
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 others
work
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 harder to raise collaborative pupils with a higher sense of group
work
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.Both perspectives have their own fans,
nevertheless
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 moderation is the key, and both views
has
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have
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 their own place. On the one hand, supporters of the first idea argue that in competitions,
children
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 will be prepared for real-life situations.
For example
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, in Iran, there is a high-level competition for entering the top-ranked universities, and a small number of students can be accepted there.
Furthermore
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, if the persons
work
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 in a competitive environment, the
work
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 efficiency will be increased considerably.
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Likewise
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Likewise,
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 almost all individual sports need fighter personalities in order to win a match ,
such
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 as swimming and solo tennis matches. As a
last
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 point,
this
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 atmosphere encourages the persons to expand their comfort zone.
Due to
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 the fact that individuals avoid the predictable occasions to improve their abilities by experiencing the different challenges.
On the other hand
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 ,opponents point out that if the members of a group cooperate together, most of the issues will be resolved briskly,
this
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 is distinctly because the members acclimatized to spend more time deliberating on issues, which means there are fewer chances for errors.
Moreover
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, when
children
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 participate in teams, develop their competencies via peer learning.
That is
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, throughout the projects, they observe how their friends face various problems, and tackle them through problem-solving, planning, and other skills.
Lastly
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, routine life will be more enjoyable for family members.
For example
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, my friend’s parents have been sharing their ideas, and planning together for recreational activities of
children
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. In conclusion, I feel that both characters either to join solo or group
works
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work
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 must be empowered from school years .
However
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, some people might counter the challenges, it provides opportunities for improvement and success in future.

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task achievement
Ensure your thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines your opinion and the structure of your essay. This can help you stay on track and make your points clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow better and enhance readability.
task achievement
Support your points with a wider variety of specific examples to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You addressed both views of the topic, which shows a good understanding and response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid structure.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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