IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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It is observed that there has been a growth in the number of
athletes
Use synonyms
 taking illegal substances to boost their performance.
This
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 negative development is caused by the greediness of individuals and the increasing pressure put on them;
however
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, raising awareness of the consequences of
such
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 an action and strictly regulating the daily intakes of
athletes
Use synonyms
 can be some of the variable solutions to
such
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 a problem. One of the factors pushing sportsmen into using banned
drugs
Use synonyms
 is that they want to win the competitions so much that they can do whatever it takes to achieve their goal. With greed, it is possible that humans are capable of doing unimaginable things, only to get what they want.
Moreover
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, with the increasing pressure that their government has put on them, using banned substances is seen as the quickest way to achieve
such
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 a required outcome.
For instance
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, there have been a number of
sports
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 professionals caught using illegal substances during major
sports
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 events,
such
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 as the Olympics, the ASEAN Games and more. To solve
this
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 problem, it has been suggested that awareness-raising campaigns should be regularly carried out. With information on the adverse effects of illegal
drugs
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 spread like wildfire, the majority of people,
sports
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 people or not, would have a grasp knowledge on what would be the potential harm that these
drugs
Use synonyms
 can cause to human health.
In addition
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, there should
also
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 be a system that strictly regulates the intake of
sports
Use synonyms
 contestants.
For instance
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, all
athletes
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 who went to Paris for the Olympics 2024 were required to reside in residential buildings arranged by the committee and allowed to consume only meals prepared by the organisers.
Consequently
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, no
athletes
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 tested negative for banned substance usage during the competition. In conclusion, it has been identified that two of the primary causes leading
sports
Use synonyms
 contestants to use illegal
drugs
Use synonyms
 are their greediness and the pressure they must win a medal for their nation.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved through awareness-raising campaigns and strict regulation of substance consumption during competitions.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure all ideas are fully elaborated for a richer and more compelling argument. For instance, providing more detail on the psychological aspects of pressure felt by athletes could add depth.
logical structure
Some small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings slightly impede the flow. For example, revise phrases like 'have a grasp knowledge' to 'have a grasp of the knowledge.'
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the issue and the proposed solutions.
supported main points
Throughout the essay, the main points are well-supported with examples from real-life events, such as the Olympics and ASEAN Games.
complete response
The proposed solutions are reasonable and clearly outlined, making the response comprehensive.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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