Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the present day,

Correct article usage

the

show examples

number of

people

Use synonyms

who

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

in their

leisure

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

is increase

Change the verb form

is increased

is increasing

show examples

due to

Linking Words

a various benefits

smartphone

Use synonyms

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

offer to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

users. I believe

this

Linking Words

phenomenon will pose catastrophic consequences to the present

socity

Correct your spelling

society

. On the one hand,

comfortable

Replace the word

comfort

show examples

and

accessible

Replace the word

accessibility

show examples

are the

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

that

people

Use synonyms

use

Verb problem

spend

show examples

excessive

time

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

rather than

other

Change preposition

on other

show examples

activities.

Smartphone

Use synonyms

contains several application, which provide

wide

Add an article

a wide

show examples

range of activities without charge. There are social media apps contained in it, offering

people

Use synonyms

stay

Fix the infinitive

to stay

show examples

connect

Change the form of the verb

connected

show examples

with each other. In fact,

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

contains

Correct subject-verb agreement

contain

show examples

more apps

helping

Wrong verb form

that help

show examples

people

Use synonyms

relax during their

leisure

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as online games,

podcast

Fix the agreement mistake

podcasts

show examples

, and

youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

. Smartphones

are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

also

Linking Words

required

Wrong verb form

require

show examples

less space to use, resulting in individuals

can have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

their

leisure

Use synonyms

moment

Fix the agreement mistake

moments

show examples

anywhere.

Moreover

Linking Words

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

also

Linking Words

enhancing

Wrong verb form

enhance

show examples

a better living standard by providing some incredible apps,

such

Linking Words

as accurate weather

forcasting

Correct your spelling

forecasting

and online maps.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, an increasing number of

people

Use synonyms

using

theire

Correct your spelling

their

smartphone

Use synonyms

leisure

Correct article usage

a leisure

show examples

activity

pose

Correct subject-verb agreement

poses

show examples

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

outcome,

esspecially

Correct your spelling

especially

on social engagement among society.

People

Use synonyms

with their

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

tend to increasingly withdraw from real-life social interactions, preferring to engage with others on social media

instead

Linking Words

. In the past,

people

Use synonyms

crated

Correct your spelling

created

show examples

unified communities

Change preposition

through

show examples

physical

interraction

Correct your spelling

interaction

interactions

, leading to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strong societies,

however

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

the present

show examples

present day

Add a hyphen

present-day

show examples

uses

Change the verb form

use

show examples

excessvie

Correct your spelling

excessive

screen

time

Use synonyms

social

Add an article

the social

show examples

media

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

, producing a visually illusionary community. Not only leads to depreciated bonding among the society they live in

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

their family.

Therefore

Linking Words

, It would rather be better if

people

Use synonyms

looked back to concentrate

with

Change preposition

show examples

their physical community, smiling and gathering together.

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

can help

people

Use synonyms

out form boredom by offering

wide

Add an article

a wide

show examples

range of applications, I believe that

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

lead

people

Use synonyms

out

from

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real-life

Correct your spelling

real life

show examples

, which

foster

Correct subject-verb agreement

fosters

show examples

depreciation in

communities

Correct article usage

the communities

show examples

they live. To mitigate

this

Linking Words

issue,

people

Use synonyms

should use

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

with mindfulness.

warattayafinn

Aug 26, 2024

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clear comprehensive ideas

Explanation could be clearer and more detail should be added, particularly in the second body paragraph. You have introduced a relevant point about the potential negative impact on real-life social interactions and community but it would benefit from more specific examples and detailed discussion.

logical structure

Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability. The essay contains some repetitive phrasing and structures that could be improved.

logical structure

Consider revising some grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary usage to better articulate your points and increase clarity. This would also help improve the logical flow of ideas.

introduction conclusion present

The essay introduces the topic well and clearly states the writer's stance on the issue. This is important for setting the context and ensuring the reader understands the argument being made.

complete response

The writer includes a balanced discussion by addressing both reasons for the high smartphone usage and the potential negative impacts. This demonstrates an ability to consider multiple perspectives, which is important in task achievement.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, echoing the introduction's assertion and reinforcing the essay's overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
55
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Connectivity
Multifunctionality
Instant gratification
Digital natives
Cybersecurity concerns
Social isolation
Ergonomic issues
Technological addiction
Virtual communities
E-learning
Telecommuting
Screen time
Digital detox
Mobile applications
User interface
Sedentary lifestyle
Information overload
Carpal tunnel syndrome
Procrastination
Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)

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