Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In the present day,
a
Correct article usage
the
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number of
people
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who
using
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use
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Use synonyms
smartphone
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smartphones
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in their
leisure
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time
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is increase
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is increased
is increasing
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,
due to
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a various benefits
smartphone
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has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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offer to
the
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apply
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users. I believe
this
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phenomenon will pose catastrophic consequences to the present
socity
Correct your spelling
society
. On the one hand,
comfortable
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comfort
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and
accessible
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accessibility
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are the
reason
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reasons
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that
people
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use
Verb problem
spend
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excessive
time
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on
Use synonyms
smartphone
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smartphones
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rather than
other
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on other
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activities.
Smartphone
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contains several application, which provide
wide
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a wide
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range of activities without charge. There are social media apps contained in it, offering
people
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stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
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connect
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connected
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with each other. In fact,
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
contains
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contain
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more apps
helping
Wrong verb form
that help
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people
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relax during their
leisure
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time
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,
such
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as online games,
podcast
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podcasts
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, and
youtube
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YouTube
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. Smartphones
are
Verb problem
apply
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also
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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less space to use, resulting in individuals
can have
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having
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their
leisure
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moment
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moments
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anywhere.
Moreover
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,
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smartphone
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smartphones
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also
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enhancing
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enhance
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a better living standard by providing some incredible apps,
such
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as accurate weather
forcasting
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forecasting
and online maps.
On the other hand
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, an increasing number of
people
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using
theire
Correct your spelling
their
smartphone
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as
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leisure
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a leisure
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activity
pose
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poses
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negative
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a negative
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outcome,
esspecially
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especially
on social engagement among society.
People
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with their
Use synonyms
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
tend to increasingly withdraw from real-life social interactions, preferring to engage with others on social media
instead
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. In the past,
people
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crated
Correct your spelling
created
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unified communities
by
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through
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physical
interraction
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interaction
interactions
, leading to
the
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apply
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strong societies,
however
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,
people
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in
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the present
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present day
Add a hyphen
present-day
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uses
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use
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excessvie
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excessive
screen
time
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on
social
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the social
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media
platform
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platforms
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, producing a visually illusionary community. Not only leads to depreciated bonding among the society they live in
,
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apply
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but
also
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their family.
Therefore
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, It would rather be better if
people
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looked back to concentrate
with
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on
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their physical community, smiling and gathering together.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
can help
people
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out form boredom by offering
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
range of applications, I believe that
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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lead
people
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out
from
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of
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the
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apply
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real-life
Correct your spelling
real life
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, which
foster
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fosters
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depreciation in
communities
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the communities
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they live. To mitigate
this
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issue,
people
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should use
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
with mindfulness.
Submitted by warattayafinn on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Explanation could be clearer and more detail should be added, particularly in the second body paragraph. You have introduced a relevant point about the potential negative impact on real-life social interactions and community but it would benefit from more specific examples and detailed discussion.
logical structure
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability. The essay contains some repetitive phrasing and structures that could be improved.
logical structure
Consider revising some grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary usage to better articulate your points and increase clarity. This would also help improve the logical flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic well and clearly states the writer's stance on the issue. This is important for setting the context and ensuring the reader understands the argument being made.
complete response
The writer includes a balanced discussion by addressing both reasons for the high smartphone usage and the potential negative impacts. This demonstrates an ability to consider multiple perspectives, which is important in task achievement.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, echoing the introduction's assertion and reinforcing the essay's overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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