Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In the present day,
a
number of Correct article usage
the
people
who using
Wrong verb form
use
smartphone
in their Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
leisure
time
is increase
, Change the verb form
is increased
is increasing
due to
a various benefits smartphone
has
offer to Unnecessary verb
apply
the
users. I believe Correct article usage
apply
this
phenomenon will pose catastrophic consequences to the present socity
.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
society
comfortable
and Replace the word
comfort
accessible
are the Replace the word
accessibility
reason
that Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
people
use
excessive Verb problem
spend
time
on smartphone
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
other
activities. Change preposition
on other
Smartphone
contains several application, which provide wide
range of activities without charge. There are social media apps contained in it, offering Add an article
a wide
people
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
connect
with each other. In fact, Change the form of the verb
connected
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
contains
more apps Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
helping
Wrong verb form
that help
people
relax during their leisure
time
, such
as online games, podcast
, and Fix the agreement mistake
podcasts
youtube
. Smartphones Correct your spelling
YouTube
are
Verb problem
apply
also
required
less space to use, resulting in individuals Wrong verb form
require
can have
their Wrong verb form
having
leisure
moment
anywhere. Fix the agreement mistake
moments
Moreover
, smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
also
enhancing
a better living standard by providing some incredible apps, Wrong verb form
enhance
such
as accurate weather forcasting
and online maps.
Correct your spelling
forecasting
On the other hand
, an increasing number of people
using theire
Correct your spelling
their
smartphone
as leisure
activity Correct article usage
a leisure
pose
Correct subject-verb agreement
poses
negative
outcome, Correct article usage
a negative
esspecially
on social engagement among society. Correct your spelling
especially
People
with their smartphone
tend to increasingly withdraw from real-life social interactions, preferring to engage with others on social media Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
instead
. In the past, people
crated
unified communities Correct your spelling
created
by
physical Change preposition
through
interraction
, leading to Correct your spelling
interaction
interactions
the
strong societies, Correct article usage
apply
however
, people
in Correct article usage
the present
present day
Add a hyphen
present-day
uses
Change the verb form
use
excessvie
screen Correct your spelling
excessive
time
on social
media Add an article
the social
platform
, producing a visually illusionary community. Not only leads to depreciated bonding among the society they live inFix the agreement mistake
platforms
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their family. Therefore
, It would rather be better if people
looked back to concentrate with
their physical community, smiling and gathering together.
Change preposition
on
To conclude
, although
smartphone
can help Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
people
out form boredom by offering wide
range of applications, I believe that Add an article
a wide
smartphone
lead Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
people
out from
Change preposition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
real-life
, which Correct your spelling
real life
foster
depreciation in Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
communities
they live. To mitigate Correct article usage
the communities
this
issue, people
should use smartphone
with mindfulness.Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
Submitted by warattayafinn on
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clear comprehensive ideas
Explanation could be clearer and more detail should be added, particularly in the second body paragraph. You have introduced a relevant point about the potential negative impact on real-life social interactions and community but it would benefit from more specific examples and detailed discussion.
logical structure
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability. The essay contains some repetitive phrasing and structures that could be improved.
logical structure
Consider revising some grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary usage to better articulate your points and increase clarity. This would also help improve the logical flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic well and clearly states the writer's stance on the issue. This is important for setting the context and ensuring the reader understands the argument being made.
complete response
The writer includes a balanced discussion by addressing both reasons for the high smartphone usage and the potential negative impacts. This demonstrates an ability to consider multiple perspectives, which is important in task achievement.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, echoing the introduction's assertion and reinforcing the essay's overall argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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