Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is said that kids should be raised to be competitive,
while
others think that cooperation will be more valuable as they enter adulthood. This
essay will make the case that although
competing with other peers brings success to children, being able to work
as a team will be more beneficial later in life.
On the one hand, a sense of competition creates a drive to win for minors because it teaches them to work
hard and stay resilient. This
is because children who want to be successful will always try their best at everything they take part in, and overcome any obstacles on their way to the lofty goals. For example
, juveniles who play competitive sports are mentally stronger and less likely to forgo than those who don't when things get harder in life. However
, I believe that the ability to work
with other people is more of use
as kids become adults.
Correct word choice
useful
On the other hand
, having good communication and teamwork skills will be more crucial throughout their lives because people can work
easier and more productive. That is
to say, when a person is able to perform a job effectively with others, productivity will be enhanced, which is very important for his/her career. In fact, many global leaders in the world are very good at communicating with each other and optimising the strength of each individual in his or her company. I strongly agree with this
idea as cooperation is a very essential skill that everyone should master in today's world.
In conclusion, if children want to achieve success in their future careers, it is better to be cooperative with peers and colleagues than competing with them.Submitted by maymocsb on
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task achievement
Provide additional examples to further solidify your arguments, particularly in the second body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand slightly on the counter-argument to provide a more balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces and concludes the discussion, giving a clear and consistent opinion throughout.
task achievement
The main points are logically structured and well-supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
The arguments are clear, comprehensive, and easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?