IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible ther familia in scientific research, business and the academic world, Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #familia #research #business #world
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The world is progressing rapidly with the help of scientific
research
.
However
, it is commonly argued that too much
information
 about the world given to researchers is not beneficial,
whereas
 others believe that it is fine to give
information
 for accurate results. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views
along with
 my opinion.
To begin
, proponents of scientific
research
 argue that it is important to give a large amount of data about
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 and academic worlds for more precise results.
This
 is because when every single piece of
information
 is given to an
experiment
, its chances of success increase.
Therefore
, a significant amount of input is needed to get an excellent output.
For instance
, experiments performed on humans demand
information
 on
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
every aspect of life,
such
 as their eating and sleeping habits, and their relationships, in order to perform the
experiment
 precisely.
In contrast
, opponents of medical
research
 believe that a significant amount of secret
information
 given to
research
 can result in detrimental effects on the business and academic worlds.
This
 is because private
information
 can be misused to harm a person both financially and mentally.
Hence
, they believe that
this
information
 is too valuable to be shared freely. In my opinion, data should be given to a medical
experiment
according to
 its need, but with more security and conditions.
This
 will protect the necessary
information
 and help in conducting the
experiment
. In conclusion,
although
 giving a lot of
information
 can be harmful, it will be beneficial for the experiments and helpful in conducting results if given with proper protection.
Submitted by sajeehulzamans on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to provide more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your points. This will add depth and clarity to your argument.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed and supported with evidence or explanations. This helps in making your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly stated and supported with relevant arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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