Some old people today's struggle with the use of modern technology such as smartphone and computers. what is the cause of this? what are the some possible solutions?

In our society, compulsory military is unquestionably one of the most controversial topics to debate these days. It affects all of us since recent studies show the significantly increasing numbers of men in the military. In fact,
this
matter is considered to be a part of each day, but what would be the wise decision? I absolutely agree with the statement, that compulsory military is not necessary in our lives.
To begin
with, one of the major reasons why the construction of
this
system is not essential is because it is not efficient and sustainable. Focusing on individual rights, a lot of young people want to create their own career and life, since nowadays it is considered to be one of the most popular future goals for youngsters.
For example
, young adults usually study until their mid-twenties in universities, so if they had to go to the army, they would not have enough time to make their dreams come true.
Moreover
, in the 21st century, humans do not want to participate in violent and dangerous activities,
such
as militaries.
Furthermore
, I believe that corporate social responsibility plays a crucial role in
this
issue
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since people should understand, that
this
kind of lifestyle is not fit for everyone's life. These days it is acceptable to stay at home and just not make any opinion about political and social wars, not like a few decades ago. To summarize, in my way of thinking global leaders and organisations have a wide range of possible solutions in
this
matter.
In addition
, personal preference would be a wise decision because of the advantages provided in social, economic and environmental spheres.
Submitted by palvdori on

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task response
Make sure to address the question directly and stick to the topic throughout your essay. The essay provided does not relate directly to the given prompt about old people struggling with technology; instead, it discusses compulsory military service. It's essential to respond to the actual question asked.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly with a logical sequence and use a range of linking words to help the reader follow your argument better. While some structure is present, a clearer progression of ideas would enhance the coherence of the essay.
task response
Expand on your main points by providing more relevant examples and evidence. To score higher, your essay needs to include more direct examples related to the topic. The current essay lacks specific examples that match the question prompt about technology struggles among the elderly. Refer back to the question prompt regularly as you write.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital divide
  • cognitive function
  • technological advancement
  • user-friendly
  • senior learners
  • formative years
  • navigation
  • evolution
  • educational resources
  • tailored programs
  • intergenerational
  • accessibility features
  • overwhelming
  • interface
  • usability
  • obstacles
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