It is impossible for governments to help all the people in the world who need help, so governments should focus only on helping people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

It is not impossible to help all individuals in the

world

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, but governments should focus on their own population. In my point of view, I strongly believe

this

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statement. The reason is that the country which helps its own

people

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will rapidly develop.

Body paragraph 1

First of all, many developing the first

world

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countries help other societies, but

according to

Linking Words

them,

people

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are dying for some reasons

such

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as hunger, disease, and some accidents.

In other words

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, the commonwealth spends a huge amount of money to improve its prominence at the

world

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rank. Ignoring their own impoverished

people

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For instance

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, The US sent vaccines so as to help Mongolia during the COVID-19 pandemic.

However

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, their own population had not been fully vaccinated. They have to fully vaccinate their own community.

Consequently

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, their own

people

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are dying from hunger and diseases.

Body paragraph 2

Moreover

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, some developed unions encourage poor regions to wage war for their own personal interests. They pretend to be offering help.

For example

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, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization set up its army base location in Ukraine. Because of

this

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reason, tension arose between Russia and Ukraine and war broke out. So, I strongly agree that countries use

this

Linking Words

help to

fulfill

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fulfil

show examples

their evil mindset.

Conclusion

In conclusion, It is being argued that governments should focus on their own country. It is impossible to help everyone in the

world

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. I believe that the country which takes care of its population will develop more. So to create a more sustainable

world

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with fewer transnational issues governments should take on responsibility for both local requirements.

dolgion.zorigoo99

Jan 20, 2025

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coherence cohesion

Make your ideas more clear and organized. You jumped from one idea to another without fully explaining them.

task achievement

Work on providing a clearer and more complete response to the task. Some paragraphs didn't fully answer the question.

coherence cohesion

Consider linking sentences more effectively to improve the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framework for the essay.

task achievement

You used relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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It is impossible for governments to help all the people in the world who need help, so governments should focus only on helping people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

8.The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations reduce the consumption of fossil fuels (gas and oil). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that sport teacheas chealdren how to compete,while others believe that children learn team work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think health care should be free for everyone. Other think that people should pay their medical cost themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opnion.

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?