IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
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More
people
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 will choose to
to
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apply
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go on
vacation
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 in their own
country
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 rather than travel abroad on
vacation
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. I completely agree with the statement above. For the following reasons. Many
people
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 choose to
vacation
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 in their own
country
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due to
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 the fact that they are not required to make a passport to go overseas for a holiday. Especially
people
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 who live in a
country
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 that has a
lot
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 of tourist attractions,
such
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 as
Indonesia
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.
Indonesia
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 is popular with tourists because it has a
lot
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 of
islands
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. One of the most popular
islands
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 in
Indonesia
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 is Bali and Lombok. Both
islands
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 are the most popular places for visitors to
vacation
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. Bali and Lombok have different cultures, and the
people
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 are friendly to visitors.
On the other hand
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, if we
vacation
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 in our own
country
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, we do not need to learn a foreign language, so we can more easily communicate with other
people
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.
For instance
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, if we want to rent a villa or order some food in a restaurant. In
adition
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addition
, we do not need to spend a
lot
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 of money and time. I believe that in our own
country
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, the cost is cheaper than abroad, and with the cheaper cost, we can get a worthwhile facility and decent service.
However
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, going on
vacation
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 abroad has benefits
such
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 as increasing insight and new experiences. But in our own
country
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 , we can get a
lot
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 of experience by learning about the culture of various kinds of
islands
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 in our
country
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, especially
Indonesia
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, which is rich in culture. And that can be a benefit for us. In conclusion, a holiday in our own
country
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 is better than travelling abroad, because we are not required to spend our money and time.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining the structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that illustrates the main point. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your ideas. While your essay is comprehensive, some points could be more succinctly expressed to avoid repetition and improve readability.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. There are minor errors that slightly affect the clarity of your points (e.g., "to to go", "adition").
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, and you consistently support your points with relevant examples, particularly regarding the tourist attractions in Indonesia.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging the potential benefits of travelling abroad, which strengthens your argument overall.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that succinctly restates your main argument, which aids in reinforcing your position.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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