in the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?
More
people
will choose to to
go on Remove the redundancy
apply
vacation
in their own country
rather than travel abroad on vacation
. I completely agree with the statement above. For the following reasons.
Many people
choose to vacation
in their own country
due to
the fact that they are not required to make a passport to go overseas for a holiday. Especially people
who live in a country
that has a lot
of tourist attractions, such
as Indonesia
. Indonesia
is popular with tourists because it has a lot
of islands
. One of the most popular islands
in Indonesia
is Bali and Lombok. Both islands
are the most popular places for visitors to vacation
. Bali and Lombok have different cultures, and the people
are friendly to visitors.
On the other hand
, if we vacation
in our own country
, we do not need to learn a foreign language, so we can more easily communicate with other people
. For instance
, if we want to rent a villa or order some food in a restaurant. In adition
, we do not need to spend a Correct your spelling
addition
lot
of money and time. I believe that in our own country
, the cost is cheaper than abroad, and with the cheaper cost, we can get a worthwhile facility and decent service. However
, going on vacation
abroad has benefits such
as increasing insight and new experiences. But in our own country
, we can get a lot
of experience by learning about the culture of various kinds of islands
in our country
, especially Indonesia
, which is rich in culture. And that can be a benefit for us.
In conclusion, a holiday in our own country
is better than travelling abroad, because we are not required to spend our money and time.Submitted by arniaqlina44 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that illustrates the main point. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your ideas. While your essay is comprehensive, some points could be more succinctly expressed to avoid repetition and improve readability.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. There are minor errors that slightly affect the clarity of your points (e.g., "to to go", "adition").
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, and you consistently support your points with relevant examples, particularly regarding the tourist attractions in Indonesia.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging the potential benefits of travelling abroad, which strengthens your argument overall.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that succinctly restates your main argument, which aids in reinforcing your position.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite