The rising levels of traffic congestion in many big cities around the world ca cause the decline in the quality of life in cities.

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In the modern world, a large number of
world-wide
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apply
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people
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in urban
cities
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are experiencing an increasing number of severe
traffic
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jam issues.
In particular
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, these problems,
such
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as increasing accidents and producing more pollution, have had adverse effects on the quality of
people
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's lives. The following paragraphs will examine the cause of
traffic
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congestion issues and offer countermeasures to tackle
this
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problem. One of the principal causes of the increasing
traffic
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jams in many nations.The main reason for
this
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is that the inner
cities
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were relocated by
outsiders
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for their employment opportunities,
which
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there
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are not enough careers in rural
areas
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, and
also
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because if they receive a decent job in an urban city, they can make more money to support their families.
For instance
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, in recent years, there have been numerous news reports of outskirt
people
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moving to the CBD to work and save money to support their families.
As a result
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,
due to
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the fact that
traffic
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jams are caused by overpopulation.
However
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,
outsiders
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have to move to the inner
cities
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because they have no job opportunities in regional
areas
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. In order to mitigate
this
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problem, the
government
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should play a vital role in offering more
jobs
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in rural
areas
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that
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so that
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it can reduce
this
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stress. To illustrate
this
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point, the
government
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has to educate
outsiders
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to build their own businesses by selling local products.
Consequently
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, the
government
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is the most effective factor in solving these problems by educating and providing
jobs
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for the local
people
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. In conclusion, it is evident that the
traffic
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congestion issues are caused by overpopulation as
outsiders
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have to move to the inner
cities
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for their
jobs
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However
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, the
government
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can offer more
jobs
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and educate
people
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in rural
areas
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.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear focus on the topic and outlines the structure well, but it can be improved by summarizing the position more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph clearly develops one main idea and is explicitly linked to the previous paragraph. This will enhance flow and readability.
lexical resource
Use a range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively and demonstrate language proficiency.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify some sentences as there are instances of unclear phrasing (e.g., ‘the inner cities were relocated by outsiders’) which may confuse the reader.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant examples, demonstrating an understanding of the issues related to traffic congestion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader to follow the argument.
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