The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Thanks to the
advance
in technology, the Fix the agreement mistake
advances
Internet
has been prevalently evolving many aspects of human activities. Such
develop
has raised Replace the word
development
the
prominent debate as to whether local authorities should Correct article usage
a
enfore
more online regulations to protect Correct your spelling
enforce
users
from cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
crime
and promote the
online safety. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, this
essay will delve deeply into the merits and drawbacks of this
stance and eventually deliver the partly advocating rationales.
Firstly
, by controlling the usage of the Internet
, government
risks breaching the freedom of information, resulting in Add an article
the government
the
media censorship and misleading information. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, one of the current Internet
policies in many parts of the world is that the local informatics department may limit any news
access providing that a lot of news
is detrimental to not only individuals but also
to national extent. Yet, this
act also
hinders some factual affairs happening around the world and in turns
, Fix the agreement mistake
turn
raising
the question about the validity of Wrong verb form
raises
news
. Thus
, online users
will search for alternative approaches to get updated and it may lead to more harmful websites, which conflicting
with the original incentives.
Another reason Wrong verb form
conflict
Change preposition
for opposing
opposing
the control of the government Change preposition
for opposing
Change preposition
over
to
the Change preposition
over
Internet
is Correct word choice
apply
that
the practicality of reducing Correct word choice
apply
cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
crime
. Proponents claimed the safety of the Internet
could be enhanced by executing some powerful laws and soon decline
Wrong verb form
declining
the
online criminals. Correct article usage
apply
In contrast
, it is undeniable that hackers are also
progressing in a way to breaking
Wrong verb form
break
this barriers
as many online Change the determiner
this barrier
these barriers
users
have aspirations to get through the firewall to reach some sites assuming they are useful for them regardless the
governmental warning and policies. Change preposition
of the
Therefore
, these responsible personnel should keep up the pace with both criminals and users
to improve the
national Correct article usage
apply
Internet
security.
However
, there are also
advantages of managing the Internet
and if implementing
correctly, it could Change the form of the verb
implemented
facility
Replace the word
facilitate
the
safety and deflate Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
crime
. One of the cases is to progressively update the firewall to filter out many dangerous and inappropriate sites. It could possibly prevent hackers from attacking and users
can feel the security when surfing Correct article usage
the webs
webs
. Fix the agreement mistake
web
Then
, it is benefitial
as citizens can get authentic Correct your spelling
beneficial
news
despite some limitations and government
Correct article usage
the government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
a strong protective foundations
to either educate its citizens or to develop without the concern of Correct the article-noun agreement
a strong protective foundation
strong protective foundations
cyber
crime
.
In conclusion, it may be neccessary
to have governmental control on Correct your spelling
necessary
the
Correct article usage
apply
Internet
usage since it provides Add an article
the user
user
with Fix the agreement mistake
users
the
protection Correct article usage
apply
as well as
lessening
Wrong verb form
lessens
the
online attacks. On the other Correct article usage
apply
hands
, the adverse impacts may overshadow the positives as these regulations may breach the freedom of information or the validity of these practices. Fix the agreement mistake
hand
Therefore
, local authorities should weigh these measures carefully before any implementation to ensure the effectiveness of these enforcement
.Change the determiner
this enforcement
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task achievement
Ensure all arguments are supported with relevant and specific examples. This strengthens the essay and makes your points more persuasive.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by making sure each paragraph has a single main point that is clearly stated and supported.
coherence cohesion
Revisit some of the phrasing and sentence structures to enhance readability and avoid awkward expressions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You have succeeded in providing a balanced view by discussing both the merits and drawbacks of government control of the Internet.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example