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Writing Samples
Band 7

With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 day and age, social
media
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 websites have been around for a
while
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 and have been playing a major role in our daily lives, even with the younger generation.
However
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, there have been several claims stating that it is unsafe for
children
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 to access these websites and grownups should put limits on accessing these sites. I completely agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind the aforesaid issue. Throwing light on the issue, I totally agree that social
media
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 is a platform where younger people can find culturally diverse friends and find out more about the world with just one click;
however
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, the advantages of the internet outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, the World Wide Web is a toxic place where thousands of people are available for bullying, doxing and grooming issues. These incidents happen frequently and it is not an uncommon issue,
hence
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this
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 should not be exposed to younger
children
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 as it is harmful to them.
Additionally
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, as these social
media
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 sites are very influential, the offspring and teenagers will be attracted towards them and will be engaged in
such
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 terrible instances.
In addition
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 to
this
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, social
media
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 platforms
such
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 as TikTok are famous for their ridiculous trends
such
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 as jumping from running a car or from the top of the building, eating some clothes washing detergent and many more. These trends have caused many injuries and deaths;
hence
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 these kinds of platforms are banned in many countries
for example
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 India. Younger
children
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 are always curious to learn and try new things without thinking about consequences.
Such
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 websites should be not allowed to be watched and banned by the government and
as well as
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 by all the grownups.
To conclude
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, social
media
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 is a platform for many opportunities
however
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 at the same time it brings many challenges for the youth and their families,
hence
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 it is advisable that parents should not allow access to their
children
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 at a young age to keep them away from toxic and influential people.

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coherence cohesion
It is essential to maintain a clear overall structure throughout your essay. While your introduction and conclusion are present, you should work on the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs and across the essay as a whole. Transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoothed to ensure the reader can easily follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but needs to be more complete and detailed. You can achieve this by expanding upon your ideas, offering deeper insight and analysis, and making sure that your reflection truly captures the complexity of the issue presented. Consider presenting a more nuanced argument by acknowledging potential counterarguments and offering responses to them.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dangerous situations
  • limit access to the internet
  • inappropriate content
  • online predators
  • physical and mental health
  • monitoring and guiding
  • online safety
  • school curriculum
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