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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People who are addicted to drugs should be imprisoned as they have broke the law, other say the they should be in hospitals. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #drugs #law #hospitals
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One says, that humans, who suffer from drug addiction, have to be imprisoned,
while
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 other certain part of people think that they should be hospitalized. Both sides have their own logical explanations and are right in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own way. In
this
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 essay, I will provide arguments for both views and justify my point. First and foremost, drug addicts undoubtedly break the law, and need to be punished by the government judgment. In case criminals do not get enough punishment, they will proponent illegal lifestyle to more citizens, by sharing their opinion and experience.
Moreover
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,
according to
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 statistics, every second opiate-inclined person brings another two citizens into the drug-spreading community. One may become
a drug makers
Correct the article-noun agreement
drug makers
a drug maker
show examples
, others, narcotic
dillers
Correct your spelling
fillers
drillers
killers
, which cause a destructive impact on global, and local crime conditions.
On the other hand
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, authorities should provide healthcare to its citizens, in case of the increase of medicine takers in society. If people sense the maintenance from the government, they would feel more safe and protected from
such
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 illegal routines. Indeed, hospitalizing
also
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 influences the general living conditions of people and eradication of
such
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 addictions among social groups.
However
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,
this
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 process is extremely time-consuming and costly.
For instance
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, countries
such
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 as Nigeria and Afghanistan, which have numerous amount of addicts, are not economically developed enough to provide health treatment for needy patients,
thus
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 it would be more effective to imprison them.
To sum up
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, from my point of view, the right solution for
this
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trouble
Correct your spelling
problem
show examples
 mostly depends on the economic and social state of each country,
due to
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 the diverse politics and attitudes towards drugs around the world.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, as this will strengthen your essay overall.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas, aiming for clearer and more comprehensive explanations in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and presents a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-structured and logically organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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