IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Revenue sources and expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016.

#revenue #sources #expenditures #usa #charity #year
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These two pie charts
illurates
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illustrate
illustrates
 the
income
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 and outgoings of a children’s
charity
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 in one year in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, Donated food takes the majority of
revenue
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 sources and the
charity
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 spends most of the money on program services. First of all,
revenue
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 is categorised
with
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into
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 six parts
such
Linking Words
 as namely / which are donated food, community contributions, program
revenue
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, investment
income
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, government grants and other
income
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.
While
Linking Words
 most of the
revenue
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 sources are donated food, community contributions take a
Linking Words
secondly
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second
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 huge part in
revenue
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 as 10.4%.
However
Linking Words
, three other incomes, which are investment
income
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, government grants and other
income
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not reach 1.0%. Meanwhile, expenditures are sorted
in
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into
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 three different parts. The
charity
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 spent most expenditures on program services and only 2.6% and 1.6% of money
used
Add a missing verb
was used
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in
Change preposition
on
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 “fundraising” and “management and general”. As the amount of
income
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 and outgo is similar and they spent less money than their
revenue
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, they appear to be good at managing their
charity
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.
Submitted by jyy990608 on

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grammar
Ensure that simple grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'illurates' instead of 'illustrates,' are corrected to improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Include relevant data or percentages explicitly from the charts for a more comprehensive response, especially for the expenditures section.
coherence
Strive to enhance logical flow by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, improving coherence. Use linking words like 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'In conclusion.'
style
Refrain from repetition of phrases, e.g., 'While most of the revenue sources are donated food,' which can be rephrased for variety and better engagement.
structure
The essay offers a clear structure, starting with an introduction and followed by detailed content on both revenue and expenditures, culminating in a concluding observation.
task achievement
The main points, such as donated food being a majority revenue source and program services being the major expenditure, are effectively highlighted.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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