Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, there is an argument that the government should raise the tax on sugary
products
in order to affect the average sugar
intake from these goods whose high sugar
content causes numerous health problems. From my perspective, I firmly believe that it is not a practical solution to make a decrease in the consumption of sweet food and soft drinks, which will be further
explained in the following essay.
Firstly
, there are a number of drawbacks to the idea of increasing taxes, one of which is negative economic effects. If the government enacts the law to raise the tax on sugary processed products
, prices will skyrocket, which can lead to much more severe inflation. Before this
plan can show its affection for people’s purchases of manufactured products
with high content of sugar
, it will lengthen the harsh economic depression which outweighs the benefit of cutting down on sugar
consumption, especially in times of crisis like this
period after the COVID-19 pandemic.
Secondly
, the idea of making sugary products
much more expensive seems to be a useless method if consumers do not realize how harmful a huge amount of sugar
they take usually. Therefore
, the government had better make an attempt to raise the public’s awareness of illnesses whose root cause is a significant sugar
intake from processed food, instead
of raising taxes. If not, all the effort will come to nothing.
In conclusion, increasing the price of sugary goods’ price is one of the temporary solutions that individuals come up with to lessen the consumption of sweet food and soft drinks to avoid numerous illnesses. To my mind, it sounds like an ineffective and ridiculous idea due to
the fact that its demerits outweigh the merits.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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task response
You should ensure that the essay maintains a clear position throughout the response. Although you have stated your negative stance on increasing taxes, you could strengthen your argument by providing a more balanced perspective acknowledging potential benefits before refuting them.
Task response
While your essay includes a basic introduction and conclusion, both could be strengthened. The introduction should more clearly outline your main points, and the conclusion must reinforce your thesis more decisively.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows some organizational structure, but the progression of ideas can be improved. Use clear and logical sequencing of sentences and paragraphs, and use a variety of linking words to better connect ideas.
Task response
Main points are present but are not sufficiently developed. You should include concrete examples and data to support your stance. Real-world examples or references to studies could enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, you should work on making the essay more logically structured. Ideas should flow from one to the next without causing confusion or appearing disjointed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.