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Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#people #music #cultures #ages
Some believe that
people
 of various ages and cultures can gather through
music
. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion. In
this
 essay, I will present my point of view.
To begin
 with,
music
 is a universal language, so humans do not need to know the lyrics or the melody. Songs attract not only children but
also
 older
people
. Indeed, for one, adolescents may like the rhythm of the
music
 without the notion of the meaning. For another, older adults might prefer to find the song's meaning, and both groups enjoy the same
music
;
for example
, my little sister and grandfather both like the same
music
 and dance with each other.
Likewise
,
according to
 songs, creating a memorable time for them has connected them to two different ages and created a strong bond.
In addition
, the
music
 industry has no borders, so
music
 belonging to an unknown musician in Brazil can easily attract
people
 all over the world;
for example
, I attended a festival two years ago in Paris, and I saw many
people
 dancing together. They might
also
 not understand the lyrics.
Besides
, dancing to
music
 led to making new friends from different backgrounds. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it does not matter how old we are or which culture we have; what matters is that
music
 can connect
people
 through its magic.
Submitted by sarataklimi89 on

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task response
To enhance your task response, consider adding more detailed examples or explanations to fully illustrate your points. This would make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your main points are consistently well-supported throughout your essay. This means that each idea should be clearly elaborated upon to avoid any gaps in your argument.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
clear and comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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