IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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In recent times, where parenting has been a challenge for the majority of parents. Some people suggest training youngsters to be a good
parent
.
This
 essay will discuss, why I believe that
this
 is not the best approach to solve the issue and which skills are essential for parents. First of all, schools are not the place for
this
 discussion, since
this
 is irrelevant at younger ages.
Furthermore
, schools should be more career-oriented and must focus more on human development.
For instance
, students at a young age would be more anticipated to learn about technological advancements, space exploration and healthcare, since these are the subjects in which youth will aspire to their careers. In the meantime, if they
also
 receive training for good parenting it will not be able to fit in well. Even though, the upbringing of kids is a significant subject to learn for every person, the best time would be when people are planning for their first kid.
Additionally
, there are various skills required to be a good
parent
.
Firstly
, parents should know how to play 3 different roles in their children's lives which are a friend, a teacher and a
parent
.
Consequently
, they will need to listen to the problems of their child, need to train them and need to secure them with all the negative energy around them.
Secondly
, they should
also
 know how to express love because it is vital for kids' upbringing.
To conclude
, I disagree that schools are the place to teach upbringing but people who require , it can learn it online since there are numerous skills required to be an impeccable
parent
.
Submitted by moazzamm2 on

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Language
The sentence structure is mostly correct, but try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as missing commas and articles, for even clearer expression.
Structure
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, but they could be stronger in terms of reinforcing the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence that you believe supports your viewpoint. This will strengthen your response overall and make your opinion more persuasive.
Structure
You introduced your opinion clearly and wrapped up your essay with a concise conclusion, making it easy to understand where you stand on the topic.
Content
You've identified key skills required to be a good parent, such as being a friend, a teacher, and a listener. This enriches your essay by providing specific details.
Argumentation
Your argument that schools should focus more on careers and human development is well articulated and adds depth to your reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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