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Band 6.5

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, obesity and low
fitness
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levels
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 among people are surging day by day. In a few nations,
fitness
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levels
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 are declining , and the medium body weights of the masses are increasing.
This
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 essay will discuss the probable reason for
this
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 , and how
this
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 complication can be tackled in a positive manner. One of the principal reasons for
this
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 situation is indulging in unhealthy habits. People are consuming junk
food
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 rather than having healthy meals prepared in the home. People are having fast
food
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such
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 as hot dogs, burgers, pizzas, and so on
instead
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 of eating homemade healthy meals filled with nutrition.
Such
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 cravings for fast
food
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,
therefore
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 cause complications of being overweight.
Furthermore
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, Laziness is another factor contributing towards
this
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 problem of low
fitness
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levels
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 and various health issues.
For instance
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, Nowadays, children
along with
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 elders specifically males are busy playing video games rather than going to the gym, and developing bad practices of wasting their time.
Thus
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, their energy
levels
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 are wasted, and increasing low standard of health and
fitness
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.
However
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, I believe these complications can be prevented with accurate measures. The first and foremost solution which can be adopted is the introduction of
discipline
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 by elders in the family. If parents are leading from the front by avoiding the consumption of junk
food
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as well as
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 hitting the gym on a daily basis. Following a certain degree of
discipline
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 can motivate and influence the young ones to stay healthy and follow the path which is laid by their elders.
This
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 measure can effectively minimise average obesity
levels
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along with
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 enhanced physical
fitness
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. The second measure can be implemented in schools which is the effective introduction of a physical exercise period in the school timetable
as well as
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 the elimination of junk
food
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 from the canteens. The foundation of pupils is laid in schools, and if strict policies are developed at the school level good habits can be installed in early childhood.
Consequently
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, the obstacle of being overweight and having low
fitness
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levels
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 can be easily managed. In conclusion, the Problem of average obesity is caused
due to
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 unhealthy eating habits, and a lack of motivation among the masses to do cardiovascular exercises. These problems can be solved by
introduction
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the introduction
show examples
 of
discipline
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 in one's life
as well as
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 with the help of institutions where learners are taught about basic
discipline
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.

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introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task response
You have identified some key causes and solutions related to the problem, showing a good understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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