IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Buying products online is common nowadays, Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#products
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Using the Internet to shop has become popular nowadays. Most
people
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 find online shopping more convenient and time-saving.
While
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 there are some drawbacks of buying things online
such
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 as the lack of security and spending more
money
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.
This
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 essay will explain why the benefits of online shopping outweigh the drawbacks. The main advantage of shopping online is that
people
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 can find a variety of
products
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.
People
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 can buy food, clothes, and electronic devices
while
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 they are at home.
Additionally
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, the internet offers hundreds of websites that sell
products
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 worldwide, so
instead
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 of travelling to another country, customers can buy things from different countries.
For example
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, a website like Amazon offers millions of
products
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 that can be shipped worldwide at a reasonable price.
Moreover
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, online shopping can save
people
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 time.
In other words
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,
instead
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 of spending hours driving cars to buy groceries and clothes,
people
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 can save their time and effort by doing
this
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 process at home.
On the other hand
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, some negative aspects of online shopping can present from insecure websites. Some online shops sell
products
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 to customers and after completing the buying process,
people
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 discover that it is a fraud and they lose their
money
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.
In addition
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, some public spend more
money
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 online without noticing that. One of my friends,
for instance
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, spent hours streaming from one website to another and he found himself buying something he didn't need.
To conclude
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, despite the disadvantages of online shopping, I believe that the advantages of shopping online do outweigh its drawbacks because it saves time, effort, and
money
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.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task
While your essay covers the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping well, it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. This will help to set a clear direction for your essay and strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence
Your points are well-organized and flow logically. However, the transitions between the paragraphs could be smoother. Using more transitional phrases will help to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence
In the conclusion, reiterate the main points discussed in the essay. This will provide a sense of closure and strengthen the overall cohesion.
introduction
Your introduction sets a clear context for the discussion on online shopping, making it easy for the reader to understand the main topic.
examples
You have included relevant examples, such as the reference to Amazon and your friend's experience, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
conclusion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes your viewpoint that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, providing a clear end to the essay.
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