IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the availability of
foods
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 produced in diverse parts of the world. Some may laud the convenience and excitement that would be accompanied by eating international
foods
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 in your home country,
while
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, in
this
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 essay, I intend to argue that the drawbacks of
this
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 trend far outweigh its benefits. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. First of all, I believe that the availability of international
foods
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 in supermarkets and getting used to eating them have a tendency to blur cooking
such
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 traditional
foods
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 of the host nation. A salient example of
this
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 is Pizza which is an Italian food and has become prevalent among youngers all over the world. Of course, access to
foods
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 with recipes and flavours from other nations familiarizes people with other cultures,
however
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, too much diversity has a tendency to undermine a society by forgetting the traditional stuff and reluctance to eat them.
Secondly
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 and even more importantly, though, are the
health
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 problems associated with consuming these
foods
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. Imagine diverse sorts of preservatives like sodium that go into the body to enhance
such
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foods
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' long-term durability. These substances are significantly detrimental to
health
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 and could result in serious ailments like cancer diabetes or heart disease.
According to
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 the statistics of the World
Health
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 Organisation, the number of sufferers from cancer has increased to 20% in 2022, and
such
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foods
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 have had a considerable role to play in its growth. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that
although
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 having access to international
foods
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 is accompanied by thrill and other appealing feelings,
due to
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 the
health
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 risks associated with
this
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 trend, I feel that exporting and importing them should be banned globally.

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Improvements for Task Achievement
While the essay presents a clear position on the topic, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the response further. This will show a balanced analysis and will embrace various viewpoints.
Improvements for Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistency in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. While the essay flows well, adding more sophisticated linking words would enhance the overall coherence and make the argument more persuasive.
Strength in Introduction and Conclusion
The essay effectively presents a clear introduction and conclusion, smoothly guiding the reader through the argument. The writer successfully outlines the main points in the introduction and revisits them in the conclusion.
Strength in Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as referencing Pizza and data from the World Health Organisation, significantly strengthens the arguments presented and adds credibility to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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